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" There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that. "

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" I was always a huge fan of E. E. Cummings. He did a series of lectures at Harvard or Princeton, and they were recorded. And they were incredibly moving. "

" Throughout my whole life, as a performer, I've never played with a band. I've always played alone, so I was never required to stay in rhythm or anything. So it was a real different experience for me to start playing with a band. There were so many basic things for me to learn. "

" I cringe at backstory. Because it never quite explains or gets into some psychological thing that is never quite right and never quite the truth and who knows why someone is some way. "

" Tweeting is really only good for one thing - it's just good for tweeting... It is rewarding, because it's just its own reward. It's sort of like heaven. "

" A record isn't like a movie - you can get it together pretty fast. "

" I'm enamored with the art world. Anytime you look at anything that's considered artistic, there's a commercial world around it: the ballet, opera, any kind of music. It can't exist without it. "

" I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four years were spent in wild success. I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct. The course was more plodding than heroic. "

" When I first started doing my comedy act, I just desperately needed material. So I took literally everything I knew how to do on stage with me, which was juggling, magic and banjo and my little comedy routines. I always felt the audience sorta tolerated the serious musical parts while I was doing my comedy. "

" Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. "

" I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper. "

" I like the idea that one thing leads to another. You can tweet something completely innocuous, and then find yourself going off on a tangent that's inspired by a response. "

" Movies always are open to being remade because times change so much, and the tempo of movies changes. I think of it like a James Bond. They can have different actors play the same role... I've had people come up to me and say, 'We want to remake 'The Jerk' with so and so.' And I say, 'Fine.' It just doesn't bother me. It's an honor actually. "

" When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well. "

" I don't think anyone is ever writing so that you can throw it away. You're always writing it to be something. Later, you decide whether it'll ever see the light of day. But at the moment of its writing, it's always meant to be something. So, to me, there's no practicing; there's only editing and publishing or not publishing. "

" Nothing I do is done by popular demand. "

" I'm tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period. "

" L.A. is only where you live, because otherwise it's just a sprawling mass of everything, and I think if you live in L.A., you get a little network of places you go, and people you see, and when you leave town, you do miss those places and your friends. "

" I love comedy. That's what got me into the arts. I don't even know how to categorize myself anymore. "

" Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything! "

" I was raised with 'Laurel and Hardy' and 'I Love Lucy' and Jerry Lewis, and I just loved it. And I had a friend in high school and we would just laugh all day and put on skits. You know, it's the Andy Kaufman thing or the Marty Short thing where you're performing in your bedroom for yourself. "

" I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. "

" I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers. "

" I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. "

" Bad psychoanalysis would say I enjoyed pleasing people, working really hard and pleasing people, which is probably related to my father in some way. But I really liked working hard. When I worked at Disneyland, I'd do 12 hours straight and go home thrilled. "

" What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be Democrats... or skinny. "

" I never thought much about success early on. I only thought about being a comedian - or just being in show business, is really more accurate. "

" You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies. "

" I was not naturally talented. I didn't sing, dance or act, though working around that minor detail made me inventive. "

" I wish I could do a lot of things different. I'm not going to tell you what they are, but if I had a list of all my films right now, I'd go, 'Okay, I'll cross that one out and cross that one out and cross that one out and cross that one out.' Really. But I've made over 40 films. How can I not have some losers in there? "

" When I finally retire, I just want to go away so no one has to listen to me. "