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" People take toasting way too seriously - especially the clinking glasses part. There are always a few people who are seated too far away from each other to easily clink. "

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" Don't invite me to a surprise birthday party. I don't have room for that secret. I've got enough real secrets I have to keep: dark, life-destroying secrets. "

Matt Besser

Enough

Surprise

" It's almost kind of satisfying when you get direct proof that someone stole your bit. It makes the times you had the paranoid suspicion feel less crazy. "

" I got really depressed when Sidney Moncrief lost to Larry Bird. That really depressed me. "

Matt Besser

Got

Lost

" Mary Holland is really funny. "

" People are either funny or they're not, and you can't teach that - but you can teach people to work together to make an idea better. "

" I saw Chris Rock do standup before he was famous. I was just a teenager. That will always be special to me. "

Matt Besser

Always

Will

" Lou Holtz, I was also a huge fan of. He was really funny. I think that's a big part of why I was attracted to the Razorbacks: I thought Lou Holtz was really funny. He is really funny. Too bad he's a born-again, or whatever. "

" I'm more of a sketch guy than a standup. "

" Every funny story has at least one unusual thing in it. "

" I thought the musical aspect of 'Freak Dance' was a good contrast to how dancers always try to come off as really tough in those movies - they're trying to literally come off as gangs like as if the Crips and the Bloods are also dancing in addition or instead of fighting with guns and knives and stuff. "

" There's a creative vibe at U.C.B., and to maintain it, we can't pay people. If you pay, then you have to assign worth to shows, and then people will resent that. "

" We agree that there is a problem in the sketch and improv community where, in general, there should be more interest from a more diverse sampling of our society. That is precisely why we do have diversity scholarships and why we've put together a diversity program to try to figure this problem out. "

" We all hate those stories that end with 'And that's the story.' "

" When we started doing sketch comedy - actually in '91 in Chicago - making your own videos, which we did, took forever. It would take like, a year to make one video. It was just so difficult to edit and just do everything you had to do. "

" You can do a whole scene in acting without ever checking in to what the other guy is saying - it's not going to come off great, but you can get through the scene - whereas in improv, that's gonna be impossible. "

" I'd been involved with stand-up before improv, so I already thought highly of myself as being a funny person. I never thought I wasn't funny. "

" Understanding listening is an epiphany moment for every improviser. At least for me it was. "

Matt Besser

Understanding

Listening

" I never liked the glossiness of highly produced standup specials in general - I like it where it has more of a feel of the type of places I usually perform. It seems kind of weird when you do a special to go perform in a place unlike the place where you perform 95% of the time. "

" I don't think I've ever had a conversation with a comedian who stole except for when it's been in anger. "

" In most specials, the performer's up - not only not surrounded, but up on a stage - and there's a distance between them and the audience, and I think my comedy doesn't work as well in that way. "

" Often, when people don't do so well in a monologue at UCB, it's because they're racking their brain so hard to be funny that they're just not honest and don't just tell a true story, which is what we want. "

" Neil Mahoney was definitely the visionary in taking 'Freak Dance' from stage to screen. He made it more cinematic. He brought the choreography, all the ways to shoot that. I was more the director of actors. I was in front of the camera directing, and he was behind the camera directing. "

" I actually find prank CDs pretty annoying. "

" Sometimes people can be offensive and not even realize it. "

" Many improv groups give off the same positive annoying vibe that I associate with Christian Young Life groups with shows that more resemble children playing than a comedy performance. "

" I guess that I was always considered a little too weird for the standup clubs and probably too jokey for doing performance art and those places where those are done. "

" I like musicals that are sometimes comedic, but I haven't even seen the Monty Python musical, and I'm a huge Monty Python fan. "

Matt Besser

Fan

Sometimes

" You're always starting with a nugget of truth, whether it's a song or an improv scene. "

" It seems like the real television networks, the amount of people that watch each network is going down and down, and the amount of people that watch each website is going up and up. "

" I was a DJ in college and had my own punk music-focused show all four years. "