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" Pirates, me hearties, are the Patronus of the freelancer. "

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" If there was a button that I could push that would agog my brain to the level that I felt first seeing 'Avatar' in its entirety and another one for food pellets, I would die of starvation. "

" I have horrible shoe hang-ups. Particularly when it comes to flats. "

" I love New York, but sometimes New York is so mean to you. "

" Aside from the can, everything about LaCroix is gentle. "

" If you are someone's emergency contact - you are their person, and they are your person - there is work involved. "

" Food rules. Little rivals the pleasure of tearing into a glistening burger. "

" Nothing beats SoulCycle for dumbing all the way out or re-calibrating a mood in less than an hour, which is reassuring, since I typically wake up in a panic that's candy-coated with a low-grade rage. "

" I always get super confused by the way we look at technology, because since when were all phone calls created equal? It's not like every text is the same or that all texts are human interactions that are compromised. I don't get how conduits somehow dictate sentiment. "

" The notion of this 'emergency contact' is, Do you have someone who is holding you down? Do you know where to go if you're feeling bad? I keep likening it to assigning yourself a godparent of your choosing. "

" I just love the comics industry. "

" I'm just going to write whatever I'm going to write, and whatever shelf or section they end up on at the bookstore is just going to be that, and I'll let the marketing people pull their hair out and worry about it. "

" I'm pretty sure I peaked at 15. "

" Yes, Justin Bieber is a contrivance. Yes, Justin Bieber's lyrics are insipid - worse still, disingenuous. Yes, his tattoos stink. Yes, he's lousy at skateboarding. But what does any of this actually matter? In case you missed it, Bieber won. "

" People bursting into song in unison and then pointing it at me is maybe the worst thing I can think of, never mind that you have to pay good money to go be yelled/danced at. "

" I am anti-Halloween. "

" I'm a big believer in puking out all your thoughts in a single sitting and getting some version of the work down, because the alternative just prolongs the agony. The first draft is hideous and ajskdlkdfksjdfslfjk, but it's just a map for where the big blocks go. "

" I find texting to be kind of a safe space. "

" Home is where my house pants live. And they're hideous. "

" The second single from 'Purpose,' Justin Bieber's fourth studio album, 'Sorry' is an infectious confection - a Dorito for your ears. "

" Pedicures are disgraceful. "

" I am obsessed with Neil Patrick Harris on Twitter. "

" Bieber has taste and pull, which is as important to making quality pop as actual talent. "

" The thing about living in New York as a writer is that you hit that age where it feels like everyone has a book all at the same time. It's like that one year where you're invited to twenty weddings. "

" A fanboy's heart is filled with love, enthusiasm, and insecurity. "

" Rihanna's boots are too scared to look bad on Rihanna. "

" I would never give up 'The Wire,' 'Breaking Bad,' and 'Game of Thrones.' I'm grateful for all these expensive, excellent, graphically ambitious programs. "

" Jockeying for a popularity position has been a valorized teen tradition since the notion of a discrete teen stage of life was invented. "

" 'Avatar' is staggering. It's seismic. Evolutionarily speaking, it is cladogenesis in a thunderclap. "

" I like science a whole bunch, but I love 'The X-Files' more - I want to believe. "

" I'm great at leaving. I am less talented at getting left, though I should be better, given how much it's happened. "