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" People bursting into song in unison and then pointing it at me is maybe the worst thing I can think of, never mind that you have to pay good money to go be yelled/danced at. "

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" In New York, you collect a thousand encounters a year, a passel of handshakes, a zillion air-kisses, and boatloads of business cards that you pitch into your purse and eventually deposit your chewing gum into. Amid this break-neck montage of glancing contacts, I'm tormented by the constant thrumming fear of being fingered as a flake. "

Mary H.K. Choi

Fear

Business

Cards

" Everyone is such a mystery, yet we chug along so much of the time presuming we're all on the same page. "

" From the first time I harangued my mother into buying me a pair of platform sandals at the irascible and persistent age of 11, I've worn heels. "

Mary H.K. Choi

Age

First

" When you have tools with which to stalk everyone all the time, the most seemingly aloof person wins. "

" Never post anything personal to your Facebook wall. Or anyone else's, for that matter. Only snitches and teachers look at Facebook. "

" The first time I drank LaCroix, I half expected it to be filled with self-tanner. Or Axe body spray. "

" I'm definitely an indoor kid who's turned into an inside person. "

" My brother's in comics. I work in media. "

" Part of me just wants 'Jane' magazine back, and 'Sassy,' too. "

" When I was five, I compound-fractured my arm, pulverising my elbow. "

" I just love the comics industry. "

" If you are someone's emergency contact - you are their person, and they are your person - there is work involved. "

" I love New York, but sometimes New York is so mean to you. "

" Pedicures are disgraceful. "

Mary H.K. Choi

Disgraceful

" I suspect that living 24/7 in workout attire is the clothing version of the messy topknot. We all know that your hair is dirty, or too long, or too frizzy, or your roots have grown out, but we are all going to accept it as fabulous because that's the deal. "

" Have passion, yes, but acknowledge that side projects are still work. They shake things up, just like switching up your workout helps you stay one step ahead of your torpid metabolism. They scramble the synapses. "

" I'm a big believer in puking out all your thoughts in a single sitting and getting some version of the work down, because the alternative just prolongs the agony. The first draft is hideous and ajskdlkdfksjdfslfjk, but it's just a map for where the big blocks go. "

" If you're holding your iPhone, and it's the newest iteration of it, you're like, 'Oh, famous people have my phone. Captains of industry have my phone.' And that can be an intoxicating experience for someone who is going off to college for the first time. "

" Never post boring back-to-back selfies. "

" The thing that I find interesting about teens now is that no matter how desperate we seem to be taxonomically 'othering' them, for one reason or another - because the Internet, because whatever - I feel like a lot of the benchmarks and the experiences are, you know, same for teens through time immemorial. "

" If there was a button that I could push that would agog my brain to the level that I felt first seeing 'Avatar' in its entirety and another one for food pellets, I would die of starvation. "

" I have horrible shoe hang-ups. Particularly when it comes to flats. "

" Rihanna's boots are too scared to look bad on Rihanna. "

" The second single from 'Purpose,' Justin Bieber's fourth studio album, 'Sorry' is an infectious confection - a Dorito for your ears. "

" I love how British people call Asian people 'oriental' unless they're talking about Indian people, who get to be called Asian. "

" Never hold up your entire group of friends in real life trying to capture a perfect Instagram pose. Nobody cares. "

" My sweet spot as a writer and, especially, as an essayist is sub-1500 words. "

" I am anti-Halloween. "

Mary H.K. Choi

I Am

" Consider this: alms aside, Wikipedia is fueled by competitive pedantry and emo-ness. How great is that? "

" Home is where my house pants live. And they're hideous. "