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" Purchased experiences don't count. "

Douglas Coupland

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" Nobody likes being told who or what they are. "

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" Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed dating for clueless people. "

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" It's weird when people start sentences with 'frankly' - as if their other sentences don't count. "

Douglas Coupland

" Headwise, I always kind of knew that everyone goes grey in our family very early - and I was like, it works for me. I started growing my beard, and it changes the shape of your skull and your face, and I started seeing my mother's side of the family in myself for the first time. "

Douglas Coupland

" I think half the people who get married now have met online. If I think about all the people in my life who married - they met online, online, online. And it makes sense if you think about it, because you fill out this form of 35 things that really define you and - bam - look, you've got two people who match. It works. "

Douglas Coupland

" Florida isn't so much a place where one goes to reinvent oneself, as it is a place where one goes if one no longer wished to be found. "

Douglas Coupland

" Sometimes it feels as if everything in life is just something we haul into the grave. "

Douglas Coupland

" When I look at my daily schedule, I feel like a trout flopping about on a dock, drowning in the air. Some people are ruthless with their schedules. Not me. I wing it. "

Douglas Coupland

" Brain research tells us that only twenty percent of human beings have a sense of irony, which means that eighty percent of the world takes everything at face value. "

Douglas Coupland

" Clowns drink to blot out the ravages of terrifying children for a living. "

Douglas Coupland

" Human beings are the only animal that thinks they change who they are simply by moving to a different place. Birds migrate, but it's not quite the same thing. "

Douglas Coupland

" Forget about being world famous, it's hard enough just getting the automatic doors at the supermarket to acknowledge our existence. "

Douglas Coupland

" You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal. "

Douglas Coupland

" It feels wistful to imagine a time when people didn't go about their daily routine with the assumption that at any moment another massive media technology will be dumped on us by some geek in California. "

Douglas Coupland

" Star Trek characters never go shopping. "

Douglas Coupland

" Twinkies are more natural than most TV-interview shows. "

Douglas Coupland

" I worship teachers. They can't be paid enough. It depresses me that society sees them as somehow expendable. "

Douglas Coupland

" I've got all my old laptops going back to my first, which was so fancy at the time, in '93 or '94, but now it's just like a doorstop. One day I said, 'I'll go in and get all my old documents in there.' The cords and the wires are all gone, the discettes you need are gone. Meanwhile the little electrons are starting to wither away. "

Douglas Coupland

" When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon. "

Douglas Coupland

" By your thirties, you should be doing whatever it is you're supposed to be doing with your life and just get on with it - which is what I suppose happened with me as much as to anyone else. "

Douglas Coupland

" A vast percentage of the human race is literally not wired neurologically to get irony. Well more than half of humanity takes life at face value, which is to me terrifying. "

Douglas Coupland

" It's a cliche, but true, that writing is intensely solitary and at times really lonely. I sit in one room and talk to squirrels and blue jays all day. "

Douglas Coupland

" Everybody past a certain age, regardless of how they look on the outside, pretty much constantly dreams of being able to escape from their lives. "

Douglas Coupland

" Your body isn't just a body. It's an ecosystem. "

Douglas Coupland

" The things worth writing about, and the things worth reading about, are the things that feel almost beyond description at the start and are, because of that, frightening. "

Douglas Coupland

" Money is more than a massively consensual IOU note. It is a piece of infrastructure and is as artificial as Interstate 5, NutraSweet or season three of 'Mad Men.' "

Douglas Coupland

" Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time. "

Douglas Coupland

" If your life had lyrics, would they be any good? "

Douglas Coupland

" Too much free time is certainly a monkey's paw in disguise. Most people can't handle a structureless life. "

Douglas Coupland

" Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code? "

Douglas Coupland