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" Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time in essays. "

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" You'd be surprised how hard it can often be to translate an action into an idea. "

" Morality is a venereal disease. Its primary stage is called virtue; its secondary stage, boredom; its tertiary stage, syphilis. "

" A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful. "

" The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant. "

" It is the style of idealism to console itself for the loss of something old with the ability to gape at something new. "

" I am already so popular that anyone who vilifies me becomes more popular than I am. "

" When a man is treated like a beast, he says, 'After all, I'm human.' When he behaves like a beast, he says 'After all, I'm only human.' "

" If the reporter has killed our imagination with his truth, he threatens our life with his lies. "

" How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print. "

" Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom. "

" Journalist: a person without any ideas but with an ability to express them; a writer whose skill is improved by a deadline: the more time he has, the worse he writes. "

" Culture is the tacit agreement to let the means of subsistence disappear behind the purpose of existence. Civilization is the subordination of the latter to the former. "

" Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy. "

" It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not mean. "

" Education is a crutch with which the foolish attack the wise to prove that they are not idiots. "

" Democracy divides people into workers and loafers. It makes no provision for those who have no time to work. "

" Sex education is legitimate in that girls cannot be taught soon enough how children don't come into the world. "

" Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match. "

" Education is what most receive, many pass on, and few possess. "

" The mission of the press is to spread culture while destroying the attention span. "

" Language is the mother of thought, not its handmaiden. "

" Experiences are savings which a miser puts aside. Wisdom is an inheritance which a wastrel cannot exhaust. "

" A child learns to discard his ideals, whereas a grown-up never wears out his short pants. "

" To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all. "

" There are people who can never forgive a beggar for their not having given him anything. "

" Jealousy is a dog's bark which attracts thieves. "

" Squeeze human nature into the straitjacket of criminal justice and crime will appear. "

" I don't like to meddle in my private affairs. "

" Solitude would be ideal if you could pick the people to avoid. "

" Curses on the law! Most of my fellow citizens are the sorry consequences of uncommitted abortions. "