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" Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match. "

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" Morality is a venereal disease. Its primary stage is called virtue; its secondary stage, boredom; its tertiary stage, syphilis. "

" The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant. "

" Sexuality poorly repressed unsettles some families; well repressed, it unsettles the whole world. "

" I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up. "

" Experiences are savings which a miser puts aside. Wisdom is an inheritance which a wastrel cannot exhaust. "

" A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful. "

" Jealousy is a dog's bark which attracts thieves. "

" My unconscious knows more about the consciousness of the psychologist than his consciousness knows about my unconscious. "

" An idea's birth is legitimate if one has the feeling that one is catching oneself plagiarizing oneself. "

" There are people who can never forgive a beggar for their not having given him anything. "

" I am already so popular that anyone who vilifies me becomes more popular than I am. "

" Virginity is the ideal of those who want to deflower. "

" There is no more unfortunate creature under the sun than a fetishist who yearns for a woman's shoe and has to settle for the whole woman. "

" Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy. "

" Journalists write because they have nothing to say, and have something to say because they write. "

" No ideas and the ability to express them - that's a journalist. "

" He who does without the praise of the crowd will not deny himself an opportunity to be his own adherent. "

" Sex education is legitimate in that girls cannot be taught soon enough how children don't come into the world. "

" How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print. "

" Do not learn more than you absolutely need to get through life. "

" Culture is the tacit agreement to let the means of subsistence disappear behind the purpose of existence. Civilization is the subordination of the latter to the former. "

" Christian morality prefers remorse to precede lust, and then lust not to follow. "

" Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom. "

" The sound principle of a topsy-turvy lifestyle in the framework of an upside-down world order has stood every test. "

" Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time in essays. "

" Democracy divides people into workers and loafers. It makes no provision for those who have no time to work. "

" Education is a crutch with which the foolish attack the wise to prove that they are not idiots. "

" Curses on the law! Most of my fellow citizens are the sorry consequences of uncommitted abortions. "

" A child learns to discard his ideals, whereas a grown-up never wears out his short pants. "