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" Sometimes you meet people who can't swim. And I always think: 'Oh my God, that's extraordinary.' For me, it's always been a treat... I just feel really happy in the water. "

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" I love telling stories. I love the intimacy between the writer and reader. When you write sketches it's over in two minutes. When you write a book the characters have to have a bit of emotional depth. "

David Walliams

Two

Emotional

Book

" Reality always outstrips fiction. Whatever you make up, something more incredible always pops up in real life. "

" The one good thing about our school was the Cadets; I chose to be in the Navy, purely for the sailor's outfit. A pity we had to give them back. "

" We sit in a room for months trying to think of funny things. "

" Children's books are often seen as the poor relation of literature. But children are just as demanding as adult readers, if not more so. I should know. I'm a children's writer myself. "

" I was the kind of person who got bullied and loved the attention of it. "

" I know somebody from university who's called Phil Collins, and I think there's something terribly unfortunate about sharing a name with somebody who either is famous or becomes famous. "

" All human life can be found in an airport. "

" Definitely I love women, I love being around women, I find them incredible and intoxicating, and I've never had that feeling I get with women with a man. "

" I would recommend that anyone who wants to do comedy on TV to do radio first. "

" There's a sort of magic and music to comedy. Some words, some numbers even, are funnier than others. A Caramac bar, for instance, is funnier than a Milky Way. "

" I thrive off the company of others, I love being sociable. "

" It's important when you're married not to forget those things you used to do when you were trying to get her to marry you. You can't send flowers and buy gifts then, when you're married, say, 'Right, get my tea on'. That doesn't go down well. So you've got to keep that level of interest going. "

" I don't have a lot to share with other men. My heart sinks when I get into a taxi and someone starts talking to me about football. "

David Walliams

Talking

Football

" When I want comfort food, I buy Maltesers. I like all chocolates, but especially those. You can eat them, and because they're so light, you can convince yourself that they are not actually that fattening. "

" I've done panel shows, which I enjoy, and on those you're recording half-an-hour of TV and sometimes they film for two hours. But with 'Britain's Got Talent,' you're on camera for eight hours, with a large theatre audience watching - and in between you're being filmed for ITV2 as you eat your lunch. "

" When I was a child I devoured every book I could get my hands on. I loved losing myself in colourful and dramatic stories - and my absolute favourite was 'Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.' Everything about it electrified me, and when I re-read Roald Dahl's books as an adult it surprised me. "

David Walliams

Child

Book

" I still enjoy my life, and I feel like I've achieved enough things that if I never did anything again, I'd feel confident that I'd still have made my mark in some way. But maybe the self-loathing bit is the element that makes you strive for more. Makes you strive to be better. "

" I just want to be happy, have kids, enjoy my life, help others and create some good work. "

" I can't see why anyone would want to be in politics because you get so much criticism. "

" I was quite fat as a kid. And swimming is a sport you can enjoy whatever size you are. If you're fat, running is a pain. I'm not really built for running. "

" I have a pathological fear of being on my own. When I'm with my own thoughts, I start to unravel myself, and I start to think really dark thoughts, self-destructive thoughts. "

" It can be difficult to be subtle and not cartoony in prosthetics. But when you see characters like Bubbles and Desiree from 'Little Britain' on screen, it makes all the hard work worth it. It's such fun watching those transformations. "

" I was depressed as a child. I found it hard to make friends. My favourite thing was locking myself in the bathroom and practising comedy routines. "

" I don't know what I'll be like when I'm 60. I already have the traits of a retired gentleman. "

" It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone, and I've always believed that the audience is bigger than one person. The danger is that things will become bland. "

" I love wearing drag. "

" It's a weird thing because I've been single at the time when I've been successful. That's good and bad. Good, because you meet lots of people, bad because your privacy is infringed, so it's harder to develop things. "

" The most used piece of kit in my kitchen is my saucepan. I use it every morning to cook my porridge in. The least used piece of equipment? I'd say a food mixer. I've never used it, I don't really know what they're for. "

" I'm terribly attention-seeking. It's very different once you get all this attention, though. Because then you want to control it. And you can't exactly. "