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" The only queer people are those who don't love anybody. "

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" Leroy bet me I couldn't find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet because the rainbow was enough. "

" I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I can. "

" I believe you are your work. Don't trade the stuff of your life, time, for nothing more than dollars. That's a rotten bargain. "

" Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash. "

" Life is too short to be miserable. "

Life Is Too Short

" Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. "

" One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. "

" Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash. "

" A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one. "

" I am a comic writer, which means I get to slay the dragons, and shoot the bull. "

" I believe in a lively disrespect for most forms of authority. "

" A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction. "

" Not until my middle thirties did I consider myself a novelist. "

" You sell a screenplay like you sell a car. If someone drives it off a cliff, that's it. "

" Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. "

" If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle. "

" Recognition of function always precedes recognition of being. "

" If you don't like my book, write your own. If you don't think you can write a novel, that ought to tell you something. If you think you can, do. No excuses. If you still don't like my novels, find a book you do like. "

" A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all. "

" Intuition is a suspension of logic due to impatience. "

" I don't think you can ever assess your work. I don't think Turgenev could assess his any more than I can assess mine, and his didn't have a social impact as much as great literary impact. "

" Writers will happen in the best of families. "

" Normal is the average of deviance. "

" I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. "

" I've met many irresponsible people in my life but never an irresponsible cat. "

" If you like my novels, I commend your good taste. "

" I earned two Emmy nominations for writing, and two of the shows I had written were nominated for best in their category. "

" To love without role, without power plays, is revolution. "

" Hollywood called just as I crested thirty. My novels did not and still do not interest them, but my writing ability did. "

" We animals live life in all its glorious uncertainty. Why do politicians think they can control events? "