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" Unlike 'Deal or No Deal,' which is for the entire family, my standup is not for the entire family. "

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" I was kind of a misfit, actually. When you're young, you want to be like everybody else, and I was like nobody else. I couldn't sit still. I was impulsive. I still am. What is now called a 'talent' did not serve me well as a child. I didn't have friends. I was really an outcast. "

" I am beloved by millions. "

" Most of my act is improvisation. I'm inspired for the moment. Standing there in front of 2,000 or 3,000 people you don't know can be pretty inspiring. "

" The doctor heard my heartbeat and found out I had an irregular heartbeat. I was not symptomatic or aware of my symptoms. I had no idea that this could make me five times more likely to have a stroke than somebody who doesn't have this. "

" I've spent more time in Las Vegas than any other city, almost including L.A. where I live. "

" The success of any stand-up act comes out of life experience. "

" In the mid-1970s, there was this huge boom of stand-up comedy throughout North America. I went to see a show at a club called Yuk-Yuks, in Toronto, and I was just fascinated. I ended up coming back for amateur hour on a Monday at midnight and got up there without any thought as to what might come of it. "

" You can't be the dad who takes your kid out after your wife has said, 'No ice cream,' buys the ice cream, and says, 'Don't tell your mother.' You teach the child to lie - and to disrespect the other parent. "

" I've been chased. I've been pushed. I've been screamed at. I've been verbally abused. I've been afraid for my safety. But I did it all in the name of entertainment. "

" I was totally involved in Bobby's World from the time we started the idea to sitting with the artists on how he would look, to the script meetings, the music, the lyrics, the songs. "

" I think being a dad is scary. I mean, I'm not that grown-up myself. "

" We were a very small circle of writers. Everybody brought to the table their own life experience. "

" I'm a huge fan of mine. I go to just about every show I do. "

" You can go home with a lot of money with absolutely no skill. "

" It's really not that hard. If I do a Tonight Show, it's six or seven minutes. If I do a concert, it's 90 minutes. If I do an interview, that's 15 minutes. So by the end of the day I've done three hours worth of work. "

" People who annoy people are the luckiest people in the world. "

" Regardless of what I do, whether I write a book or whether I act or whether I host, I'll always do stand-up comedy because those moments, that's what I crave. If I do something funny, and I hear a crowd laugh in that moment, we're all sharing the exact same experience and the exact same feeling. "

" There's no skill. You can be a rock and move into another cash bracket. "

" What are the two biggest things online? Selfies and emojis. We're combining them. Instead of sending some character that means nothing with a hat - what if it was your face doing something? Me-moji. "

" I was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) as an adult, but I don't remember a time when I didn't have them. Back in the 1960s, when I was growing up, my symptoms didn't have a name, and you didn't go to the doctor to find out. "

" My childlike qualities sometimes lead me to jump into projects without thinking of the consequences. "

" I have to be the only person in America who had a doctor say to him, 'Please don't put any more surgical gloves on your head and inflate them.' "

" I once missed an appointment because I left my house, I locked the door. And then I thought, like anybody else, you know, 'I don't think I locked the door.' I just kept going back to the door. And I couldn't stop myself from checking and checking. "

" I think the thrust of any child is to try to fit in and be part of it. And I can't tell you how many times my humor, you know, what I thought was humor ended up making me the outsider. Like I'd be, I go, 'It's a joke.' And they'd go, 'Well, what was funny?' And they just thought I was insane. "

" Everything runs its course. We had told a lot of stories that happened in our life. My kid was getting older, and we were running out of stories to tell. "

" We sat down and told stories that happened to us in our childhood, to our children. They were all basically based on the truth. These stories were funny and poignant to us. They just took off. These are all stories from my life. "

" If you come to any of my live shows, you'll see, it's very frenetic. I have the attention span of a gnat. "

" I love voice-acting - I can go to work without wearing pants. Although I did wear pants during Gremlins. But it's always more comfortable to work without. And if you notice, I relate to Gizmo in that way because he also works without pants. I have furry little legs, too. "

" After I impulsively revealed that I have OCD on a talk show, I was devastated. I often do things without thinking. That's my ADD/ADHD talking. Out in public, after I did the show, people came to me and said, 'Me, too.' They were the most comforting words I've ever heard. "

" I go to therapy a lot. And I'm - I'm open about that, and I try to get the help so that I - so that I can cope and - and make my way in life and with my family. "