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" Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none. "

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" If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. "

" Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. "

" A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. "

" There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware. "

" The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice. "

" The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others. "

" Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away. "

" Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. "

" Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe. "

" A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! "

" Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible. "

" The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. "

" A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself. "

" For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work. "

" If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. "

" Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. "

" Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days. "

" Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. "

" The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. "

" Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. "

" Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. "

" The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate. "

" There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. "

" To err is human; to admit it, superhuman. "

To Err Is Human

" Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. "

" The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. "

" If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. "

English Language

" The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment. "

" Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. "

" More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. "