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" We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups. "
Deborah Tannen
See
Individuals
Others
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" When women told me they'd always wished they had a sister, they were thinking of this ideal of mutual encouragement and support. Many of those who have sisters also yearn for this ideal because their relationships with their sisters don't always live up to it. "
Deborah Tannen
Support
Sister
Women
" One of the first studies in the field of gender and language, by Don H. Zimmerman and Candace West in 1975, found that in casual conversations between women and men, women were interrupted far more often. "
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Women
Casual
Gender
" There is probably no such thing as a level playing field in political campaigns. "
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Field
Level
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" As a sociolinguist, I want to know how cultural differences affect the ways people talk and listen. My research method, inspired by the work of Robin Lakoff and John Gumperz of the University of California at Berkeley, is sociolinguistic microanalysis. I tape-record and transcribe naturally occurring conversations. "
Deborah Tannen
California
Know
People
" For each other, at each other: Sisters can be either or both. The same could be said of people in any close relationship. Yet there is something special about sisters - specially gratifying and specially fraught. "
Deborah Tannen
Said
People
Relationship
" In some ways, siblings, and especially sisters, are more influential in your childhood than your parents. "
Deborah Tannen
Some
Childhood
Parents
" A sister is the one person you can call in the middle of the night when you can't sleep or the one who doesn't want to hear about your problems unless you're ready to do something about them. She's the one who is there when you need her or the one whose absence when you need her hurts the most. "
Deborah Tannen
She
Night
Problems
" Our ways of relating to each other become like habits. "
Deborah Tannen
Our
Ways
Like
" I can't tell you how many times I heard from younger sisters that their older sisters were bossy and judgmental. "
Deborah Tannen
Older
Heard
How
" I'm a linguist. I study how people talk to each other and how the ways we talk affect our relationships. "
Deborah Tannen
Study
People
Relationships
" My job is to analyze conversations and discover why communications fail. "
Deborah Tannen
Discover
Why
Fail
" There are those who believe that the existence of gender differences at very early ages is evidence that these differences are biological or generic in origin. "
Deborah Tannen
Who
Believe
Differences
" A double bind is far worse than a straightforward damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't dilemma. It requires you to obey two mutually exclusive commands: Anything you do to fulfill one violates the other. "
Deborah Tannen
Straightforward
Two
You
" I have two sisters; one is two years older, and one is eight years older. That helped me understand how completely different sister relationships can be. "
Deborah Tannen
Sister
Me
Relationships
" Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations. "
Deborah Tannen
Lived
Person
Life
" Many mothers or daughters assume that words only mean one thing. 'If I feel criticised, that has to be the whole story', and 'if I feel I am being helpful, that has to be the whole story'. "
Deborah Tannen
Words
Feel
I Am
" It might seem at first surprising that when I studied women and men talking at work, I found that women 'interrupted' each other more often than men did - when they were in all-women conversations. "
Deborah Tannen
More
Work
Men
" Mothers subject their daughters to a level of scrutiny people usually reserve for themselves. A mother's gaze is like a magnifying glass held between the sun's rays and kindling. It concentrates the rays of imperfection on her daughter's yearning for approval. The result can be a conflagration - whoosh. "
Deborah Tannen
Result
Daughter
Mother
" Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's. "
Deborah Tannen
Other
Power
Own
" One of the nice things about the United States is that, wherever you go, people speak the same language. So native New Yorkers can move to San Francisco, Houston, or Milwaukee and still understand and be understood by everyone they meet. Right? Well, not exactly. Or, as a native New Yorker might put it, 'Wrong!' "
Deborah Tannen
You
Speak
People
" The effect of dominance is not always the result of an intention to dominate. "
Deborah Tannen
Always
Dominate
Result
" The political Right is particularly vehement when it comes to compromise. Conservatives are now strongly swayed by the Tea Party movement, whose clarion call is a refusal to compromise regardless of the practical consequences. "
Deborah Tannen
Tea
Consequences
Compromise
" The study of gender and language might seem at first to be a narrowly focused field, but it is actually as interdisciplinary as they come. "
Deborah Tannen
Focused
Study
Language
" In the past, great communicators were great orators, but great communicators today sound conversational, and interrupting is common in conversation. And public discourse is now more about entertainment than enlightenment. "
Deborah Tannen
Now
Great
Conversation
" The culture of critique undermines the spirit not only of people in public roles but of those who read about them, afraid to believe in anyone or anything because the next story... will tell them why they shouldn't. "
Deborah Tannen
Spirit
Believe
Culture
" I grew up in Brooklyn, N.Y. For part of my life, I was living in Detroit, and I remember a friend of mine commenting she could always tell when I had been speaking to my mother because my New York accent had come back. "
Deborah Tannen
My Life
Life
New York
" Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture. "
Deborah Tannen
Culture
Argument
Atmosphere
" I believe the switch from 'lady' to 'woman' was part of the women's movement. 'Lady' was a euphemism for 'woman,' and that was one reason that we wanted to move away from it. "
Deborah Tannen
Women
Believe
Woman
" I wouldn't say that it's hard for sisters to treat each other with respect. Many do. "
Deborah Tannen
Treat
Hard
Respect
" I've long believed that if you understand how conversational styles work, you can make adjustments in conversations to get what you want in your relationships. "
Deborah Tannen
You
Long
Relationships