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" Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture. "
Deborah Tannen
Culture
Argument
Atmosphere
Related Quotes:
" I am the youngest of three girls. My first linguistics book was a study of 'New York Jewish conversational style'. That was my dissertation. "
Deborah Tannen
New
Three
Style
" Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference. "
Deborah Tannen
Help
Feel
Responsibility
" When did the word 'compromise' get compromised? When did the negative connotations of 'He was caught in a compromising position' or 'She compromised her ethics' replace the positive connotations of 'They reached a compromise'? "
Deborah Tannen
Positive
She
Ethics
" In the past, great communicators were great orators, but great communicators today sound conversational, and interrupting is common in conversation. And public discourse is now more about entertainment than enlightenment. "
Deborah Tannen
Now
Great
Conversation
" Mothers subject their daughters to a level of scrutiny people usually reserve for themselves. A mother's gaze is like a magnifying glass held between the sun's rays and kindling. It concentrates the rays of imperfection on her daughter's yearning for approval. The result can be a conflagration - whoosh. "
Deborah Tannen
Result
Daughter
Mother
" You're not from Puerto Rico, so you should say Puerto Rico like all the other people from the place that you come from. "
Deborah Tannen
People
Place
You
" The death of compromise has become a threat to our nation as we confront crucial issues such as the debt ceiling and that most basic of legislative responsibilities: a federal budget. At stake is the very meaning of what had once seemed unshakable: 'the full faith and credit' of the U.S. government. "
Deborah Tannen
Government
Meaning
Death
" Maybe we're kind of predisposed to think that anything a politician does is calculated and therefore suspect. "
Deborah Tannen
Anything
Think
Politician
" The political Right is particularly vehement when it comes to compromise. Conservatives are now strongly swayed by the Tea Party movement, whose clarion call is a refusal to compromise regardless of the practical consequences. "
Deborah Tannen
Tea
Consequences
Compromise
" Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between. "
Deborah Tannen
Life
Women
Best
" The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer. "
Deborah Tannen
Like
Shots
Bind
" For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships. "
Deborah Tannen
Language
Connections
Most
" While the requirements of a good leader and a good man are similar, the requirements of a good leader and a good woman are mutually exclusive. A good leader must be tough, but a good woman must not be. A good woman must be self-deprecating, but a good leader must not be. "
Deborah Tannen
Must
Tough
Man
" For many women, and a fair number of men, saying 'I'm sorry' isn't literally an apology; it's a ritual way of restoring balance to a conversation. "
Deborah Tannen
Balance
Women
Men
" It's a particularly modern myth that married people are best friends. The best-friend concept is a uniquely female phenomena. "
Deborah Tannen
Best
Modern
Myth
" Why don't men like to stop and ask directions? This question, which I first addressed in my 1990 book 'You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation', garnered perhaps the most attention of any issue or insight in that book. "
Deborah Tannen
Book
You
Why
" New Yorkers seem to think the best thing two people can do is talk. "
Deborah Tannen
Best
New
People
" One of the first studies in the field of gender and language, by Don H. Zimmerman and Candace West in 1975, found that in casual conversations between women and men, women were interrupted far more often. "
Deborah Tannen
Women
Casual
Gender
" My interest in the linguistic differences between women and men grew from research I conducted early in my career on conversations between speakers of different ethnic and regional backgrounds. "
Deborah Tannen
Men
Early
Differences
" We all feel wistfulness or regret about roads not taken. "
Deborah Tannen
Taken
Feel
Regret
" My mother cared a lot about clothes. It was a point of friction because when I was a teenager, and I only wanted to wear my father's shirts, and I never wanted to wear makeup, she would say: 'Put on lipstick.' That was her thing. "
Deborah Tannen
Makeup
Father
Clothes
" Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. To survive in the world, we have to act in concert with others, but to survive as ourselves, rather than simply as cogs in a wheel, we have to act alone. "
Deborah Tannen
Alone
World
Survive
" I can't tell you how many times I heard from younger sisters that their older sisters were bossy and judgmental. "
Deborah Tannen
Older
Heard
How
" My job is to analyze conversations and discover why communications fail. "
Deborah Tannen
Discover
Why
Fail
" I grew up in Brooklyn, N.Y. For part of my life, I was living in Detroit, and I remember a friend of mine commenting she could always tell when I had been speaking to my mother because my New York accent had come back. "
Deborah Tannen
My Life
Life
New York
" The effect of dominance is not always the result of an intention to dominate. "
Deborah Tannen
Always
Dominate
Result
" Conflict can't be avoided in our public lives any more than we can avoid conflict with people we love. One of the great strengths of our society is that we can express these conflicts openly. "
Deborah Tannen
Great
Society
People
" My writing is about connecting ways of talking to human relationships. My purpose is to show that linguistics has something to offer in understanding and improving relationships. "
Deborah Tannen
Talking
Understanding
Writing
" Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations. "
Deborah Tannen
Lived
Person
Life
" Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's. "
Deborah Tannen
Other
Power
Own