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" When I look back I can't believe I was so stupid as to direct Dealer's Choice. "

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" A couple of flop plays, a death in the family, and it could all collapse. "

" I have the comedian's fear of bottles flying. I've never been bottled off, but I have had things thrown at me. Bag of crisps. And there's still a part of me, when I sit in an audience, that thinks people are going to start heckling the play. "

" I like them all - I don't always approve. I see myself as a sort of benevolent uncle to these characters, and I can see why they do what they do; sometimes they make some mistakes, but at heart I think they're decent. "

" When I couldn't write, I felt like a zombie. "

" I don't try to be likeable. The worst thing people do is present versions of themselves to the world that aren't real. "

" Enough people like me. Enough to let me sleep at night. "

" I know it's a film and all of that, and it's a Hollywood film, but it kind of feels like this sometimes, when you're in pain and it hurts, and you're desperate. Or you are about to cross some moral line and it's so seductive and you just do... and all that. "

" I'm a Jew. I think of myself as a Jew first and Englishman second. "

" I come back to the theatre happily knowing that while it won't make me rich, it will provide me with fun. "

" I mean when the play was on in New York I was starting to get film offers coming through, and since the film's come out I get offered more than I used to, but it happens incrementally. "

" I think writing is a glorious and noble thing. "

" I dispute that 'Closer' is about betrayal. Betrayal is one of the elements. "

" If I get anything out, producing anything, no matter whether it's good or not, I allow myself a little pat on the back. "

" It doesn't really feel like it's got anything to do with me. I mean, I know I wrote it, and all that and invented the characters and made it up, but it's Mike's film, so doing the press and stuff, it feels a little bit inauthentic. I was just one component of it. "

" I think I write serious comedies. I would love to be able to write for pure pleasure, but the undertow is always loneliness. "

" My dialogue probably reveals the paranoia of the stand-up: if you're not quick and interesting, they will be gone. "

" The trite answer is that everything is true but none of it happened. It is emotionally true, but the events, the plotting, the narrative, isn't true of my life, though I've experienced most of the emotions experienced by the characters in the play. "

" It's one of the reasons I don't do drugs. One sniff and I'd go all the way. "

" In 2012, I really thought, 'That's it. It's over. I've written what I can write.' "

" My life is in dialogue with the plays that I write. The relationship I have with my plays is very, very intimate, and I dot my life through them. "

" I'm constantly having to be vigilant with a depressive tendency, an addictive tendency. "

" I don't feel so alive if I'm not being creative. "

" I used to go with my parents and loved it, I was in school plays, and I started reading plays before I started reading novels. I'll defend it to the hilt. When theatre is good it is fabulous. "

" I consider myself a Jewish writer, like all my heroes: Tom Stoppard, David Mamet, Philip Roth, Arthur Miller, Woody Allen. "

" Well, you just know, as a writer, I didn't really write one of the five best screenplays of the year. There were lots of brilliant screenplays; I was just one of the lucky ones who got nominated. "

" Theatre is how I first encountered art on any level. "

" Most of what I write is comedy. "

" Great comedy is always sadistic. "

" I have made a decision that in future, I will only take on movies that have a better than 75 per cent chance of being made, and that's not easy. "

" I hoped the dramatic power of the play would rest on that tension between elegant structure - the underlying plan is that you see the first and last meeting of every couple in the play - and inelegant emotion. "