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" When you're being earnest, people think you're being sarcastic, and when you're being sarcastic, they think you're being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate. "

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" I can't imagine painting my face in a team colour and roaring with delight as a multi-millionaire kicks a ball at a net. "

Charlie Brooker

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" A cupcake is just a muffin with clown puke topping. "

" It's hard to think of a single human function that technology hasn't somehow altered, apart perhaps from burping. That's pretty much all we have left. "

" In the age of social media, everyone's a newspaper columnist, exaggerating what they think and feel. "

" New Year's resolutions work like this: you think of something you enjoy doing and then resolve to stop doing it. "

" If someone doesn't respond to a phone call, I think they've died. "

" Nothing happens in cricket, ever. Even the highlights resemble a freeze frame. "

" Calling Batman 'the Dark Knight' is like calling Papa Smurf 'the Blue Patriarch':you're not fooling anyone. "

" We're inseparable, games and I. If you cut me, I'd bleed pixels. Or blood. Probably blood, come to think of it. "

" 'The Twilight Zone' was sometimes shockingly cruel, far crueller than most TV drama today would dare to be. "

" When a monk takes a vow of silence, is he still allowed to post messages on the Internet? Chances are God won't find out. Being ancient, God probably can't work computers. He holds the mouse gingerly, like it's made of fine china. "

" Short of finding a place on the witness protection programme, you don't get many opportunities to completely reinvent your life. Going to university changes that. Away from home, away from parents, away from anyone who remembers you from school, you can pretend to be far cooler and more experienced than you are. "

" I didn't pass my degree due to never handing in an acceptable dissertation, and while it didn't harm me in the long run, my failure to complete the course properly probably led me to spend the next six years or so coasting, unsure of what to do next. "

Charlie Brooker

Never

Long

" What's odd about the selfie stick is that while it might faintly improve the photo you'll post on Facebook, it definitely makes you seem like a shallow, awful clown to any bystanders in the humdrum physical space you're posing in. "

Charlie Brooker

Improve

Posing

" I remember I was changing to one phone from another and going through my old contact details, and so I was having to delete duplicate numbers to make room, and up came the name of someone who died, and... it felt hard to delete the name. "

" Games get a bad press compared with, say, opera - even though they're obviously better, because no opera has ever compelled an audience member to collect a giant mushroom and jump across some clouds. "

" The fashion industry is an immense cultural and social blight that only gets a free pass because its would-be detractors are scared it'll start criticising their haircut. "

" If you're living in a dystopia, you don't necessarily want to look at another one. "

" I've never lost that freelance mentality. You can't take a holiday because you're worried the work will dry up. "

" Is hacking ever acceptable? It depends on the motive. "

" We take miracles for granted on a daily basis. "

" Tinder is the ultimate gamification of romance. It's 'Pokemon Go' for the heart. "

Charlie Brooker

Heart

Romance

" I like technology, but 'Black Mirror' is more what the consequences are, and it doesn't tend to be about technology itself: it tends to be how we use or misuse it. We've not really thought through the consequences of it. "

Charlie Brooker

Thought

Technology

" I haven't always been the kind of man who plays videogames. I used to be the kind of boy who played videogames. "