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" Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops. "

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" Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves. "

" When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. "

" New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat. "

" The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you. "

" Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in. "

" If you accept your limitations you go beyond them. "

" Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. "

" What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque. "

" All publicity is good, except an obituary notice. "

" A quotation in a speech, article or book is like a rifle in the hands of an infantryman. It speaks with authority. "

" A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. "

" I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse. "

" There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary. "

" If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. "

" No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today. "

" The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. "

" What the hell difference does it make, left or right? There were good men lost on both sides. "

" Every man, through fear, mugs his aspirations a dozen times a day. "

" No man can discover his own talents. "

" Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. "

" I am a drinker with writing problems. "

" I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer. "

" At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self. "

" If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it. "