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" Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint. "
Billy Connolly
Mint
Ally
Tactics
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" I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days. "
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Love
Days
Itself
" I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. "
Billy Connolly
You
Angel
Believe
" I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless. "
Billy Connolly
You
Useless
Think
" I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. "
Billy Connolly
Army
See
Always
" Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. "
Billy Connolly
Bicycle
Wonderful
Marriage
" My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. "
Billy Connolly
Intellectual
Funny
Thinking
" It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things. "
Billy Connolly
Me
God
Different
" Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet. "
Billy Connolly
Autograph
Your
Fame
" If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name? "
Billy Connolly
He
Jesus
Name
" I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there. "
Billy Connolly
Know
Go
Algebra
" I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be. "
Billy Connolly
I Am
Afraid
Myself
" I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything. "
Billy Connolly
Look
Pictures
Thought
" There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter. "
Billy Connolly
Scotland
Seasons
Two
" I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there. "
Billy Connolly
Desert
Drawing
Page
" I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little. "
Billy Connolly
Want
People
World
" I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do. "
Billy Connolly
Angels
Believe
People
" Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day. "
Billy Connolly
People
Car
Drive
" I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered. "
Billy Connolly
People
Wild
Dogs
" As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me. "
Billy Connolly
Successful
Me
Started
" Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head? "
Billy Connolly
Never
Mother
Head
" Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on. "
Billy Connolly
Man
Alone
Try
" My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo. "
Billy Connolly
Tell
Parents
Pet
" The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know. "
Billy Connolly
Style
New York
Music
" The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. "
Billy Connolly
Look
Attack
Great