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" My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. "

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" I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. "

Flannery O'Connor

" I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. "

George Jean Nathan

" The funny thing is, I'm so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things... I wish it made me feel good, but it doesn't. "

" I think that I come off as, 'Nothing bothers me, I don't care! I'm funny and sassy.' But I'm deeply sensitive. Not only about myself but to others. Not to pat myself on the back, empathy is a quality I've cultivated over my life. It came naturally to me as a child. "

" I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. "

" I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. "

" It's not so much what you learn about Mumbai, it's what you learn about yourself, really. It's a funny old hippie thing, but it's true as well. You find out a lot about yourself and your tolerance, and about your inclusiveness. "

" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "

" As for our majority... one is enough. "

Benjamin Disraeli

" We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know? "

" Mariah is a beautiful and talented person, and I've had a crush on her for as long as I can remember. Every day, my respect for Mariah continues to grow higher. She's a caring, warm and funny person. People have no idea how funny she is! I feel like I've always known she was my forever love. "

" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "

" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "

Barbara Corcoran

" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

Henry Kissinger

" I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people. "

" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "

William Lyon Phelps

" The great thing for me about 'The Resurrection of Gavin Stone' is it's a throwback to the old fashioned Hollywood movie that you can watch with your family, has a message, and is funny and entertaining. They didn't call them faith-based movies; they just called them good movies. "

" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "

" I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2,000 people. "

" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "

Nicole Holofcener

Having A Good Time

" If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. "

" I'm not a fan of any genre but am a fan of movies that are intelligent and/or funny. That goes across all genres: a horror movie, a zombie movie, alien invaders, chick flick, or raunchy comedy. If it's well done, I'm a fan. "

" When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.' "

" As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. "

" The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. "

" Life is funny, and a lot of times, the people that I've met have really gone past anything that I've ever dreamed of, so I'm really grateful. My friendships really go from the West to the East. You'd be amazed at some of the people I call friends. "

" What is scary to me is silly to somebody else. CG isn't scary to me. It's like comedy - comedy and horror are quite similar, in that there'll always be somebody who'll say, 'I don't think that was funny.' And it's the same with things that are meant to be scary. "

Guillermo del Toro

" If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. "

" If I feel you're funny, I want to work with you. "

Danielle Schneider