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" Even if you've gone easy on the vermouth, there are still serious downsides to alcohol consumption, including but not limited to the sense that you're a good dancer. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Gone
Serious
Good
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" The Internet has turned the world into one gigantic linked community, capable of instantly sharing vast amounts of incorrect information. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Internet
World
Information
" I've always thought that I'd make a pretty good police officer, except maybe for the danger part. I have a rare medical condition that makes it difficult for me to risk getting shot, so probably I'd have to be one of those officers who work in 'do not shoot' areas. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Work
Police
Medical
" My philosophy on snow skiing is that there are less expensive ways to fall down a mountain. Yet every couple of years, I go on a ski trip for the same reason that women will have multiple children - they simply forget how much it hurts. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Fall
Women
Snow
" For me, the most indispensable tool for wrapping presents is a wife. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Me
Wife
Tool
" I think, of all the holidays we celebrate, my least favorite is Earth Day. For one thing, I never know what sort of gift is appropriate. A jar of dirt, maybe? And it's not clear to me why Earth even needs a 'day,' since a spin on its axis creates a day. That's like giving a man who owns a shoe store a gift of a pair of shoes. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Man
Gift
Think
" My mother taught me to drive using the 'Detroit Method,' where speed limits and traffic lights are taken as cute suggestions. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Speed
Mother
Me
" My dog Tucker likes to walk late at night because it is a good way to keep me awake. Apparently, the one time I took him for a stroll around midnight represented, to him, a commitment similar to marriage. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Good
Marriage
Night
" I am a newspaper columnist and a professional screenwriter, but my real love is the novel for all the room it has for characters to come alive and breathe and face their challenges. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Challenges
Love
Face
" I am an independent, strong-willed, free, and unfettered individual who lets his wife decide for him what he wants to eat. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Free
Eat
Wife
" You'd think skiing wouldn't be strenuous - all you have to do, after all, is start at the top and let gravity pull you to the dessert bar in the lodge. But at those elevations, you'll find about as much oxygen as you'll find kindness from your children. It's like spending six hours holding your breath. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Think
Children
Kindness
" With a 3D printer, you could build your own car, one part at a time. When you were finished, you'd have an automobile that is extremely lightweight because it is made of plastic, which is good because you'd need to carry it because it is made of plastic. "
W. Bruce Cameron
You
Time
Need
" I've read that the ancient Chinese art of feng shui can bring a sense of peace, well-being, and positive energy to a home - same as beer. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Positive
Beer
Art
" Pre-history tells us that our species used to be a hunter-gatherer society. This means that the job of raising a family was split 50-50 between the men and the women - the man's 50 percent share was to sit in the woods with a sharp stick, waiting for something to hunt to wander by, and the woman's 50 percent was to do everything else. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Woman
Women
Family
" I've read that an average dog possesses a vocabulary of 200-300 words, which is enough for him to have his own Twitter account. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Him
Own
Words
" I know it sounds strange, but I'm one of those people who goes to a coffee shop to drink coffee. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Strange
Drink
Know
" I've tried several diets over the past couple of years - not because I need to lose weight, but because my pants are trying to cut me in two. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Need
Lose
Two
" Without a dog, I would have tassels on my throw pillows instead of little stubs of yarn that look like small worms. The pillows seem to function just fine without the tassels, so perhaps it isn't a problem. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Look
Dog
Without
" I don't think my father considered allowing a teenager to follow his dreams was necessarily good parenting, or even parenting. I think he thought I was a teenager with teenage impulses. I'm pretty sure he knew that if he just let me follow those impulses, it would wind up being very expensive and perhaps even life-endangering. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Parenting
Wind
Good
" With social media, you don't just publish a book and figure you've done your part; your fans want to talk to you, have a conversation. It means, though, that you can connect with your readers like never before, so you don't have to guess what they like - you can ask. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Book
Conversation
Media
" I was riding my mountain bike in Colorado, and I met a dog who reminded me so much of my very first dog, in the way she interacted with me, looked at me, and wagged her tail, that I rode away convinced I'd just very possibly met the reincarnated version of my long lost friend. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Dog
Mountain
Me
" There are apparently three factors that lead to longevity: heredity, habits, and what your wife will let you get away with. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Longevity
Will
You
" During the holidays, I often see my sisters, who still, even after all these years, can't always seem to agree with me. They take silly, indefensible positions, such as denying that my parents loved me more because I was the better child. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Parents
Holidays
See
" My younger sister looks to me to provide her with advice on how to do her job better - though she's too shy to ask me questions, so I have to give her my opinion on an unsolicited basis. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Me
Job
Better
" Without a dog, you'll be without at least one creature who thinks you are the smartest, most decent and heroic human being on the planet. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Without
Dog
Human
" I have never been able to pay attention to anything for more than a few minutes - the stories in my head have always been so much more entertaining. Only books could pull me out of my own imagination, and then it was only to plunge me into someone else's. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Someone
Me
Imagination
" I think I'm good at training dogs, but none of my dogs agree with me on that. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Me
Training
Think
" Your neighbors will be envious of your 3D printer - and if they're not, just print new neighbors. Design them so they'll like to bring you pies, maybe, or want to do your yard work for you. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Design
Want
New
" When you have a half slice of chocolate pie, it's as if you owe yourself the other half - what's known in medical circles as a 'caloric deficit.' "
W. Bruce Cameron
Yourself
You
Pie
" Not too many people know it, but when I was in junior high, I was a pretty tough kid and was the leader of a street gang. Well, OK, it was less a street gang than an Ecology Club. We were pretty intimidating, though, and had our own meeting room until we got run out of there by a bunch of thugs from the Poetry Society. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Tough
Society
Poetry
" Most of what happens in the world is far beyond a dog's comprehension, so they must turn to their faith in us to help them navigate life's treacheries. Don't we, also, have unanswerable questions about the vagaries of modern existence for which the answer is beyond human grasp, so that only our faith can guide us? "
W. Bruce Cameron
Life
Help
Questions