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" I've tried several diets over the past couple of years - not because I need to lose weight, but because my pants are trying to cut me in two. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Need
Lose
Two
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" When you have a half slice of chocolate pie, it's as if you owe yourself the other half - what's known in medical circles as a 'caloric deficit.' "
W. Bruce Cameron
Yourself
You
Pie
" I am a newspaper columnist and a professional screenwriter, but my real love is the novel for all the room it has for characters to come alive and breathe and face their challenges. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Challenges
Love
Face
" Not too many people know it, but when I was in junior high, I was a pretty tough kid and was the leader of a street gang. Well, OK, it was less a street gang than an Ecology Club. We were pretty intimidating, though, and had our own meeting room until we got run out of there by a bunch of thugs from the Poetry Society. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Tough
Society
Poetry
" With a 3D printer, you could build your own car, one part at a time. When you were finished, you'd have an automobile that is extremely lightweight because it is made of plastic, which is good because you'd need to carry it because it is made of plastic. "
W. Bruce Cameron
You
Time
Need
" Even if you've gone easy on the vermouth, there are still serious downsides to alcohol consumption, including but not limited to the sense that you're a good dancer. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Gone
Serious
Good
" None of the kids in the neighborhood had dogs. My dad walked in that Labrador, and we started running together and rolling around together like we found each other after years apart. And then, suddenly, some of the other people in the neighborhood started getting dogs, too. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Dogs
People
Neighborhood
" I've always thought that I'd make a pretty good police officer, except maybe for the danger part. I have a rare medical condition that makes it difficult for me to risk getting shot, so probably I'd have to be one of those officers who work in 'do not shoot' areas. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Work
Police
Medical
" During the holidays, I often see my sisters, who still, even after all these years, can't always seem to agree with me. They take silly, indefensible positions, such as denying that my parents loved me more because I was the better child. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Parents
Holidays
See
" For me, the most indispensable tool for wrapping presents is a wife. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Me
Wife
Tool
" Your neighbors will be envious of your 3D printer - and if they're not, just print new neighbors. Design them so they'll like to bring you pies, maybe, or want to do your yard work for you. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Design
Want
New
" Back during the most dramatic and challenging time in our history, when we first came together with wolves, we had no idea that it was changing everything, but we literally evolved together. Without us there would be no dogs, and vice versa. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Wolves
Together
Time
" My dog Tucker likes to walk late at night because it is a good way to keep me awake. Apparently, the one time I took him for a stroll around midnight represented, to him, a commitment similar to marriage. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Good
Marriage
Night
" When I was in seventh grade, I was a scrawny boy with no muscles, so I went out for wrestling. My intention was to develop secret wrestling skills so that if I were jumped by a bully, I'd shout, 'Ha!' and he'd be on the ground in a headlock. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Wrestling
Intention
Bully
" I think, of all the holidays we celebrate, my least favorite is Earth Day. For one thing, I never know what sort of gift is appropriate. A jar of dirt, maybe? And it's not clear to me why Earth even needs a 'day,' since a spin on its axis creates a day. That's like giving a man who owns a shoe store a gift of a pair of shoes. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Man
Gift
Think
" I started writing in fourth grade and never stopped. I faked my way through high school and nearly was flushed from college - I still can't pay attention - and then had a series of day jobs. But always, continuously, I have written. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Attention
Writing
School
" I was riding my mountain bike in Colorado, and I met a dog who reminded me so much of my very first dog, in the way she interacted with me, looked at me, and wagged her tail, that I rode away convinced I'd just very possibly met the reincarnated version of my long lost friend. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Dog
Mountain
Me
" I've always been busy, but I wasn't always successful. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Busy
Always
Successful
" About the most exciting thing a baby can do is burp - I've spent hours of my life holding a baby on my shoulder and patting its back, trying to loosen up a burp. Burping was probably invented to give the father something positive to do, since our chests are not equipped to allow us to do much else. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Baby
Father
Positive
" As to which is cuter, a puppy or a baby, I'm going to say that probably depends less on the particular puppy and more on the baby. I've seen pictures of me as an infant and consider myself lucky that nobody ever offered my parents the opportunity to trade me for a beagle. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Baby
Parents
Opportunity
" Without a dog, you'll be without at least one creature who thinks you are the smartest, most decent and heroic human being on the planet. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Without
Dog
Human
" The 'Dog's Purpose' premise has gotten me so many emails and comments from people who say that their dog is so much like one they had when they were young or years before, that it seems like the truth. The idea that you would come across an old friend later in life. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Me
Life
Dog
" I am the sort of athlete who participates in a lot of winter sports - basketball, for example, is an activity that I'll spend many hours a week watching. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Week
Basketball
I Am
" In my opinion, it has never been proven that food even has calories. When I bite into a hamburger, I see pickle and ketchup and bun and meat, but if there's a calorie in there, it must be hidden. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Meat
Food
Never
" I was an arrogant man. I not only thought I could manage my life without help, I wanted it that way. I had best-selling books and a TV show and movie contracts; I felt invincible, secure in the thought that everything was my doing. And then, like all arrogant men, I came to stumble. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Man
Help
Life
" My younger sister looks to me to provide her with advice on how to do her job better - though she's too shy to ask me questions, so I have to give her my opinion on an unsolicited basis. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Me
Job
Better
" Most of what happens in the world is far beyond a dog's comprehension, so they must turn to their faith in us to help them navigate life's treacheries. Don't we, also, have unanswerable questions about the vagaries of modern existence for which the answer is beyond human grasp, so that only our faith can guide us? "
W. Bruce Cameron
Life
Help
Questions
" When I was in grade school, my teachers decided I was just about the dumbest thing to come through the door in a long time. Whatever the lesson, whatever the subject, I would sit and listen to them with a lost, glassy-eyed expression on my face. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Long
Door
Face
" When you adopt a dog, you have a lot of very good days and one very bad day. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Good
Bad
Bad Day
" My body believes a famine is imminent and has begun stocking up on provisions. These supplies are being stored around my waistline. I've tried explaining to my stomach that this is entirely unnecessary: I've never once, not even when I was in college and more broke than the E.U., done any actual starving. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Never
Body
College
" Without a dog, you'd never have anyone demonstrate how important it is to stop every day and smell the roses... and then lift your leg on them. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Dog
Day
Important