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" My mother taught me to drive using the 'Detroit Method,' where speed limits and traffic lights are taken as cute suggestions. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Speed
Mother
Me
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" Back during the most dramatic and challenging time in our history, when we first came together with wolves, we had no idea that it was changing everything, but we literally evolved together. Without us there would be no dogs, and vice versa. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Wolves
Together
Time
" Not too many people know it, but when I was in junior high, I was a pretty tough kid and was the leader of a street gang. Well, OK, it was less a street gang than an Ecology Club. We were pretty intimidating, though, and had our own meeting room until we got run out of there by a bunch of thugs from the Poetry Society. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Tough
Society
Poetry
" Communicating with teenage girls is easy unless you're an adult, and then it's like having someone take a pair of pliers and, one-by-one, yank off your fingernails through your ears. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Through
You
Easy
" With my book 'How to Remodel a Man,' I was on 'Oprah,' 'Fox News,' 'The Early Show,' and 'Good Morning America.' 'Oprah' was the best - an hour long segment. TV is so short, you answer a few questions, and then it's over. It feels like a hit-and-run with a camera. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Good
Best
Morning
" My dog Tucker likes to walk late at night because it is a good way to keep me awake. Apparently, the one time I took him for a stroll around midnight represented, to him, a commitment similar to marriage. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Good
Marriage
Night
" I have never been able to pay attention to anything for more than a few minutes - the stories in my head have always been so much more entertaining. Only books could pull me out of my own imagination, and then it was only to plunge me into someone else's. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Someone
Me
Imagination
" I think I'm good at training dogs, but none of my dogs agree with me on that. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Me
Training
Think
" I was riding my mountain bike in Colorado, and I met a dog who reminded me so much of my very first dog, in the way she interacted with me, looked at me, and wagged her tail, that I rode away convinced I'd just very possibly met the reincarnated version of my long lost friend. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Dog
Mountain
Me
" My advice to anybody, including myself, is if you're going through a bad period, and you just can't see the world's on your shoulders and no day is a good day, you're missing the whole point of the experience. And that's something dogs know from the moment they come bounding up to you as a puppy. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Moment
Myself
Day
" In my opinion, it has never been proven that food even has calories. When I bite into a hamburger, I see pickle and ketchup and bun and meat, but if there's a calorie in there, it must be hidden. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Meat
Food
Never
" I've read that the ancient Chinese art of feng shui can bring a sense of peace, well-being, and positive energy to a home - same as beer. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Positive
Beer
Art
" I've always thought that I'd make a pretty good police officer, except maybe for the danger part. I have a rare medical condition that makes it difficult for me to risk getting shot, so probably I'd have to be one of those officers who work in 'do not shoot' areas. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Work
Police
Medical
" When you have a half slice of chocolate pie, it's as if you owe yourself the other half - what's known in medical circles as a 'caloric deficit.' "
W. Bruce Cameron
Yourself
You
Pie
" I started writing in fourth grade and never stopped. I faked my way through high school and nearly was flushed from college - I still can't pay attention - and then had a series of day jobs. But always, continuously, I have written. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Attention
Writing
School
" For me, the most indispensable tool for wrapping presents is a wife. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Me
Wife
Tool
" Even if you've gone easy on the vermouth, there are still serious downsides to alcohol consumption, including but not limited to the sense that you're a good dancer. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Gone
Serious
Good
" The loneliest, most down-on-his-luck person can have a dog who adores him. The most bitter, sour person can light up with joy when he sees his dog. It is magical and, as 'The Dog Master' reveals, it is biological - we evolved together. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Together
Dog
Him
" The first cellphone I owned was hardly a slim, high-tech device - it was more like a brick with buttons, only with worse reception. If you wanted to use your phone to give someone a message, you were better off throwing it at him and hoping you broke his car window. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Better
Phone
Window
" You'd think skiing wouldn't be strenuous - all you have to do, after all, is start at the top and let gravity pull you to the dessert bar in the lodge. But at those elevations, you'll find about as much oxygen as you'll find kindness from your children. It's like spending six hours holding your breath. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Think
Children
Kindness
" I was an arrogant man. I not only thought I could manage my life without help, I wanted it that way. I had best-selling books and a TV show and movie contracts; I felt invincible, secure in the thought that everything was my doing. And then, like all arrogant men, I came to stumble. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Man
Help
Life
" The Internet has turned the world into one gigantic linked community, capable of instantly sharing vast amounts of incorrect information. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Internet
World
Information
" I've read that an average dog possesses a vocabulary of 200-300 words, which is enough for him to have his own Twitter account. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Him
Own
Words
" My favorite ski slope is the kind that winds up at the cafeteria. My children, though, usually insist that I get out and take on a few expert runs, in a game called 'Let's See if We Can Get Our Inheritance Early.' "
W. Bruce Cameron
Children
Early
Expert
" There are apparently three factors that lead to longevity: heredity, habits, and what your wife will let you get away with. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Longevity
Will
You
" I don't think my father considered allowing a teenager to follow his dreams was necessarily good parenting, or even parenting. I think he thought I was a teenager with teenage impulses. I'm pretty sure he knew that if he just let me follow those impulses, it would wind up being very expensive and perhaps even life-endangering. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Parenting
Wind
Good
" My philosophy on snow skiing is that there are less expensive ways to fall down a mountain. Yet every couple of years, I go on a ski trip for the same reason that women will have multiple children - they simply forget how much it hurts. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Fall
Women
Snow
" During the holidays, I often see my sisters, who still, even after all these years, can't always seem to agree with me. They take silly, indefensible positions, such as denying that my parents loved me more because I was the better child. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Parents
Holidays
See
" When I was in seventh grade, I was a scrawny boy with no muscles, so I went out for wrestling. My intention was to develop secret wrestling skills so that if I were jumped by a bully, I'd shout, 'Ha!' and he'd be on the ground in a headlock. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Wrestling
Intention
Bully
" When I was in grade school, my teachers decided I was just about the dumbest thing to come through the door in a long time. Whatever the lesson, whatever the subject, I would sit and listen to them with a lost, glassy-eyed expression on my face. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Long
Door
Face
" Without a dog, you'll be without at least one creature who thinks you are the smartest, most decent and heroic human being on the planet. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Without
Dog
Human