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" High on the list of things I've been meaning to do since I moved to New York in 2004 is going up to a Columbia University football game. "

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" I think there's something about the homemade birthday cake, because my wife, on my daughter's first birthday, started the tradition where she takes a full cake and cuts the number birthday out of it. "

" I'm not a coffee drinker, so my drink is kind of like a girlie skim chai latte. I'm not proud of it, but it's really good. "

" When you're young, the blue blazer feels like a grown-up costume. "

" My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door. "

" Everyone worries about their kids, of course, but you can drive yourself nuts thinking about all the horrible things in the world - and many, many people do. I believe life is to be lived and not survived. "

" I was a big Dave Winfield guy growing up. "

" You don't really have to say much when your headline is 'Drag Queen Robs Burger King.' Sometimes comedy writes itself. "

" I often eat Skippy's Super Chunk peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. I don't shamefully sneak it in the dark of night when everyone is in bed. I just twist that cap off and go to town right out in the open. "

" In our deepest places, we all wish we could live like Raoul Duke for a while. "

" When you work in TV long enough, you tend to get a little jaded with different things you have to deal with. "

" I'm 6-foot-4. If my life depended on it, I could still dunk a basketball. Then I would need assistance from a first responder to get down from the rim. "

" Golf is the only sport where watching the game is arguably as grueling physically as playing it. "

" My dad is so unique in what he does. It's not like I'm taking a torch from him and doing his thing. I hope I've carried from him a little bit of a sense of irony, a little bit of a wink. "

" I don't know that I 'look up' to them, but in our predictably partisan media world, I admire journalists who are genuinely nonpartisan and totally fearless in their work - people who have no interest in being invited to the cocktail party. I don't agree with everything he writes, but Glenn Greenwald comes to mind. "

" I've had two pedicures in my life, and they were glorious. "

" People know the facts of a story just as well as the people on TV do, and they have more platforms to hold the media accountable when they don't get it right. We are a world full of media experts. That's a great thing. "

" I got into television in 1998 when I didn't have a computer or even an email address. "

" I do remember vividly sometime after puberty when I'd answer the phone at home and the callers began to say, 'Hi, Bill!' That's when I knew Dad and I had the same voice. "

" I'm pretty sure people are going to start writing letters again once the email fad passes. "

" Unintentional comedy is comedy just the same. "

" An ideal day starts with putting on a good, smart, fun show where I learn something and ends with me fending off atomic knee drops from my two kids in our no-holds-barred pillow fight/steel cage matches. They are a ruthless tag team. "

" It's fun to deliver material on live TV because it's more off-the-cuff, but I like writing better. You really can measure the joke, think an extra second and nail the right reference. "

" I have a simple plan to solve the economic crisis. Give every American a $100 credit to the dog track of their choice. I have found the puppies to be a reliable source of income with a consistent rate of return. "

" My dad was always fascinated and amused by Trump, so I learned to be fascinated and amused by Trump. "

" Watching 'CSI: Miami' is like watching 'Teen Jeopardy!' or doing the crossword puzzle in 'People' magazine. It makes you feel smart even when you're not. "

" I guess it turns out choosing your life partner from a group of men trying to get their break in show business by sitting around shirtless in a swimming pool while cameras watch around the clock isn't the path to a soulmate after all. "

" If you're one of the fortunate few on this Earth with a pass to enter the gates of Augusta National on Masters Sunday, you don't leave early. You just don't. If it's a Masters Sunday when Tiger Woods is near the top of the leader board, you really don't leave early. "

" If the relentless personal maintenance plan has taken over your life, give it a rest. "

" The thing about me is that I don't judge my audience. I welcome. It is a big tent. "

" I think President Obama has always been a little bit underestimated. Some of the things he's done with foreign policy have been unassailable. Getting us out of Iraq, killing Osama Bin Laden. "