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" I don't have to go to a doctor and have my face changed. It terrifies me that women do that. "

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" My idea of serenity - that wonderful word that everybody's trying to get into their life - is call-waiting. "

" I love holidays in New York. I love 'em. I want to celebrate something all the time, and New York has holidays for every day of the week, practically. I like holidays in New York City. "

" There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time. "

" When the hospital sends for me, when the ambulance comes and I ease my way out of the world, I'd rather be in Detroit, Michigan, than Lenox Hill. "

" I'm loaded with talent. "

" Audiences are not strangers to me. They're the best friends I've got in my life. "

" All you have to do is say, 'I'm going home,' and you're the most popular girl at the party. "

" My movie career - if such a thing even exists - is laughable. "

" When I want to do something badly enough, I do it, but there is a practical side of me that thinks I should be paid fairly. "

" If I see someone saying the rosary in the wings, I know they've got talent. "

" I mention I'm going home, and I'm a star immediately! This used to happen with my boyfriends - as soon as I'd say, 'I gotta go home now,' they fell in love. "

" There are a lot of things I do that I don't want to, but I have to. It's truly an emotional need for me to perform. "

" There's something that really frightens me - and that's fear. "

" I don't want to see my family all the time, and they're delighted, I'm sure, to be aware of that. "

" I just serve others through entertaining. That's when I am happy. "

" There's something about it that makes sense, Lent. You give something up, and everything's more joyful. "

" I don't think I'm gonna die tomorrow or even two weeks from now, or even ever. I just don't know - who the hell knows what's gonna happen to them? Nobody! Isn't that comforting? Nobody has a clue. I like that we don't know. And I like that it's somebody else's decision, not mine. "

" I love Birmingham, Michigan. It's lovely - you know, it's very similar to the Hamptons. "

" I could have made a lot of money doing 'Golden Girls,' and I would have been good. But the image of it! And for me to work with Betty White every day would be like taking cyanide. "

" These performers that go on about their technique and craft - oh, puleeze! How boring! I don't know what 'technique' means. But I do know what experience is. "

" For me, going to London is like coming home. In fact, I've often entertained the idea of ending my days there. "

" I compare Stephen Sondheim with humor, because humor is unanalyzable. You can't analyze humor. You just have to get through it. "

" I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.' "

" I never found anyone who could look after me as well as I could look after myself. "

" Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. "

" Fear is the base of what everybody does wrong in their lives. "

" I tell the truth, and it has gotten me into a lot of trouble. My dad used to say to me, 'If you tell the truth all day long, you will end up in jail.' "

" As a diabetic, I'm a walking picnic. I have to eat measured amounts of food at certain times. "

" You never know what is happening to yourself when it is happening. "

" I loved being on Broadway, but performing has become exhausting, and I just don't want to live in New York anymore. I'm just sick of the competition in New York, the feeling that I always have to rehearse to keep up my performance. I don't feel like rehearsing, even though it should be my favorite thing in the world to do. "