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" When I want to do something badly enough, I do it, but there is a practical side of me that thinks I should be paid fairly. "

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" I find it easier to abstain than do a little bit of anything. I'm not a 'little bit' kind of dame. I want it all, whatever I do. "

" I don't think I'm gonna die tomorrow or even two weeks from now, or even ever. I just don't know - who the hell knows what's gonna happen to them? Nobody! Isn't that comforting? Nobody has a clue. I like that we don't know. And I like that it's somebody else's decision, not mine. "

" I love Birmingham, Michigan. It's lovely - you know, it's very similar to the Hamptons. "

" The people in New York - their humor is on a level that goes, uh, very deep, you know? "

" I don't want to see my family all the time, and they're delighted, I'm sure, to be aware of that. "

" Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. "

" I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.' "

" This age thing is all up to you. It's like happiness is up to you. You just have to understand what it is before you get it. "

" I think taking care of yourself, health-wise, in every way, is a 100 percent winner. "

" I love audiences. My God, the best friends in the world! "

" I think being boring is just the worst sin of all time. "

" I never found anyone who could look after me as well as I could look after myself. "

" Betty White is probably a very nice woman. "

" Let me tell you about those convents. All that crap about extending the pinkie finger while sipping tea is a myth. Convent schools are breeding grounds for great broads and occasionally one-of-the-boys. Convent schools teach you to play against everything, which is what I'm still doing. "

" I have no intention of retiring. Even my blood sugar is better when I'm working. "

" I do believe in the infallibility of the Pope, because I think we have to believe in something. "

" Why haven't I made more movies? Nobody asked me. "

" I like being talked about. I think some people really don't... because they're secure enough and they don't need that. "

" I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy. "

" Audiences are not strangers to me. They're the best friends I've got in my life. "

" I loved being on Broadway, but performing has become exhausting, and I just don't want to live in New York anymore. I'm just sick of the competition in New York, the feeling that I always have to rehearse to keep up my performance. I don't feel like rehearsing, even though it should be my favorite thing in the world to do. "

" I'm funny when I want to be. And I'm even funny when I don't want to be. "

" You can't be funny unless you're tragic, and you can't be tragic unless you're funny. "

" Certain type of actresses get younger instead of older. I always say, 'Only ingenues age.' "

" I have not had any of that surgical stuff. I am too curious to find out exactly how I progress every day of my life naturally. That is what fascinates me. "

" As a diabetic, I'm a walking picnic. I have to eat measured amounts of food at certain times. "

" I don't think there's any thrill in the world like doing work you're good at. "

" There's something about it that makes sense, Lent. You give something up, and everything's more joyful. "

" When I'm playing comedy, it is such a crap shoot of what will work and what won't. "

" The closer a part is to you, the harder it is to play. Anything else is just imitation. If I'm playing a Russian countess, I get the hat, the accent, the outrageousness. Easy. Playing a murderess? Perfect. "