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" I guess it's easier to think badly and then be pleasantly surprised. "

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" I want to be a morning-talk-show host. I love Kelly Ripa's job. She gets to live in New York and has this amazing job hosting a talk show. "

" There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen, Abraham Lincoln, the man who played Phil Spector in HBO's 'Phil Spector.' But even those guys, while insightful and amusing, aren't exactly funny. "

" I love, love, love, love, love, love Naeem Khan. Every dress he makes looks like it belongs in a museum. You put it on, and you feel like royalty. "

" What's shocking to me is seeing people walking around with green juices in their hand when the weather's bad in New York. I couldn't think of anything more awful to have when it's sleeting outside. Like, 'Oh, I'm craving some liquified kale right now.' "

" I'm a morning bird. I love getting up before it's light out if it's possible. I wake up, I have a black coffee. I'm an 86-year-old man. I try to work out first thing to get it over with. When I do it, I feel good because I have the endorphins all day. "

" I have given myself dork shivers so many times that I would be an outright liar if I characterized myself as anything other than a pure, utter, and unadulterated dork. "

" It's interesting because with a lot of people who I've met in comedy, it seems not to matter what your background is. In terms of formal schooling - I feel like that's a nineteenth century term - but in terms of where you went to high school or college, or wherever, all that really is irrelevant, I have found, in comedy. "

" A lot of people ask, 'What's the best advice Tina Fey's given you?' But she doesn't, like, go about doling out advice - like, 'I've got another tip for you!' "

" For a few months, I'd have a green juice every day, but one day, I realized I'd rather eat those ingredients than drink them. "

" Yes, some women are funny. No, some women aren't funny. It's similar to how some women are tall and, you know, some women are short. "

" Men, who certainly possess not only the savvy but also the know-how to be funny, for some reason, are just not. I began to notice this at a pretty young age, and unfortunately, a lifetime of living - and not a little bit of regret - hasn't done much to convince me otherwise. "

" In the back of my head, I always thought it would be great to become an actress on a sitcom. "

" I have found I'm leaning toward more vibrant colors because I'm so happy in them. "

" Most New Yorkers want to look amazing, and they want you to understand that they look amazing, but they also want you to stop staring at them. "

" My painting teacher in high school used to say, 'I can't paint like I want to, but through practice I'll get better.' But I don't think that's true. I think sometimes you just can't paint. "

" I've never had prejudice against me because of being a woman in comedy, I've never felt any sort of unfairness because of that - but I do think it is naive to think that it doesn't exist. "

" If you're going to plan a wedding, then a certain amount of suffering is not a choice. "

" I love coffee, but I have to make sure I don't have more than one cup a day because I'm already a little hyper. "

" In Los Angeles, people dress with the deep and earnest hope that people will do nothing but stare at them. "

" If I don't do some sort of exercise in a day, I do get in a terrible mood. That's always been true. "

" I joined an improv comedy group. Ours was named 'Quick Fire!' with an exclamation point. It was when I auditioned for that team and got on it and felt like... I'll just say I felt like I was good at it. "

" I'm not on social media because I feel like that would be just such another level of responsibility that I don't feel up to. It's not uncommon now to have personal and public intertwined, and I don't know how people are able to manage that. I don't know where you go when you want to be alone if everything is out there. "

" I love running. I've been running ever since middle school. In terms of clearing your head and restarting everything, I love running. "

" If you're tired, you shouldn't make yourself exercise. Take a nap instead. It's about getting an appropriate amount of work and rest. I get very crabby if I'm not well-rested. "

" Improv is mostly what I've studied. "

" I think New Yorkers are some of the friendliest people in the world, but it just comes out in a different way. In a way where they're swearing at you. "

" A man's face is not a rich person's lawn; you are wasting resources if you devote that much energy to trimming your beard, sideburns, or mustache just so. Nor is a man's face the woods; there need not be the tangled weeds, shrubbery, and wildlife/eggs benedict that get ensnared in them. "

" New York is like the weirdest city in the United States, in a great way, and Los Angeles is probably more similar to most of America. "

" I loved 'Freaks and Geeks.' I don't know a better show. "

" It took two months from the day my fiance proposed to my first Google search for 'wedding planning: how?' Now, let me interrupt myself here and share how much I hate using the word 'fiance.' It's so fancy, and it's hard not to sound like a jerk saying it. Which is why I will be using my own word for fiance: gloob. "