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" I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork. "

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" The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults. "

" The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe. "

" We must love one another, yes, yes, that's all true enough, but nothing says we have to like each other. "

" Life is a zoo in a jungle. "

" We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through. "

" The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music. "

" Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked. "

" The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly. "

" Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us. "

" The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums. "

" The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. "

" Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. "

" I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school. "

" My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too. "

" It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. "

" Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff - it is a palliative rather than a remedy. "

" Murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums. "

" I wanted to be bored to death, as good a way to go as any. "

" There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you. "

" Let us hope, that a kind Providence will put a speedy end to the acts of God under which we have been laboring. "

" Celibacy is the worst form of self-abuse. "

" The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance. "

" Words fashioned with somewhat over precise diction are like shapes turned out by a cookie cutter. "

" Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults. "

" A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. "

" When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones. "

" The rich aren't like us, they pay less taxes. "

" I write when I'm inspired, and I see to it that I'm inspired at nine o'clock every morning. "