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" The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance. "

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" The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe. "

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" When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones. "

" Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults. "

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" My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too. "

" I write when I'm inspired, and I see to it that I'm inspired at nine o'clock every morning. "

" The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music. "

" There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you. "

" It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. "

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