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" I'm grateful for every stupid mistake and dumb joke I tried to make. "

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" Comedy doesn't really matter that much; I know that. I treat it like an adult - I don't treat it like a child or a god, which some people do. This might just be in America, but 'stand-up comedy' is something very particular that I don't particularly relate to. "

" I don't want to monitor my audience too closely, as that can really drive you crazy. "

" I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it. "

" You got to take a deep breath and give up. The system is rigged against you. "

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" Not enough comedy makes you feel something. "

" It feels like we're always juggling many pieces of information at once or trying out many personas at once. It makes life slightly nonlinear. "

" Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth. "

" I write about what I know: teenage dating, overly charged sexuality, all the things that make you uncomfortable. "

" You can give poor people this royal wedding to watch and make them feel good about themselves, or you can give them something useful like, I don't know... a toaster. "

" Your hard work and talent will not pay off. "

" Uncharted territory is a good place to be in. "

" I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface. "

" When I see someone filming me, I don't usually think, 'No, man, don't put this up online!' I'd think, 'Hey man, you don't get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!' I love going to theatre and to shows so much. "

" There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind. "

" Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy. "

" I don't want to put meaning on what I do because I don't know what it is. "

" I'll stop when I think I'm not doing good stuff. I'll never exploit something just because people like it. "

" I don't think I've had a job since I worked for my father's construction company. "

" I fully embrace myself as a hypocrite. "

" I always loved bands who would try to change their sound radically album to album, experiment in one album and revert back in another. "

" My success, literally, is your success figuratively. "

" I know I'm probably digging for fresh fruit in the garbage, and as much as anyone, my attitude is, if stuff's sincere, it's gooey and boring and uninteresting. But it's no way to live. "

" Life, to me, doesn't feel like a straightforward story; it doesn't make sense for me to get up there and just tell a story. Life feels like what my show feels like: chaotic and strange and disconnected. "

" I think I wear my hypocrisy on my sleeve. I would never say I'm not a complete hypocrite. "