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" My success, literally, is your success figuratively. "

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" You got to take a deep breath and give up. The system is rigged against you. "

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" When I see someone filming me, I don't usually think, 'No, man, don't put this up online!' I'd think, 'Hey man, you don't get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!' I love going to theatre and to shows so much. "

" Life, to me, doesn't feel like a straightforward story; it doesn't make sense for me to get up there and just tell a story. Life feels like what my show feels like: chaotic and strange and disconnected. "

" I don't want to monitor my audience too closely, as that can really drive you crazy. "

" You can give poor people this royal wedding to watch and make them feel good about themselves, or you can give them something useful like, I don't know... a toaster. "

" I know I'm probably digging for fresh fruit in the garbage, and as much as anyone, my attitude is, if stuff's sincere, it's gooey and boring and uninteresting. But it's no way to live. "

" Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy. "

" There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind. "

" I'll stop when I think I'm not doing good stuff. I'll never exploit something just because people like it. "

" I write about what I know: teenage dating, overly charged sexuality, all the things that make you uncomfortable. "

" I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it. "

" Uncharted territory is a good place to be in. "

" I'm grateful for every stupid mistake and dumb joke I tried to make. "

" Not enough comedy makes you feel something. "

" It feels like we're always juggling many pieces of information at once or trying out many personas at once. It makes life slightly nonlinear. "

" I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface. "

" Comedy doesn't really matter that much; I know that. I treat it like an adult - I don't treat it like a child or a god, which some people do. This might just be in America, but 'stand-up comedy' is something very particular that I don't particularly relate to. "

" I don't want to put meaning on what I do because I don't know what it is. "

" I always loved bands who would try to change their sound radically album to album, experiment in one album and revert back in another. "

" I don't think I've had a job since I worked for my father's construction company. "

" I would say don't take advice from people like me who have gotten very lucky. We're very biased. You know, like Taylor Swift telling you to follow your dreams is like a lottery winner telling you, 'Liquidize your assets; buy Powerball tickets - it works!' "

" Your hard work and talent will not pay off. "

" I think I wear my hypocrisy on my sleeve. I would never say I'm not a complete hypocrite. "

" I fully embrace myself as a hypocrite. "