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" I've never looked forward to a birthday like I'm looking forward to my new daughter's birthday, because two days after that is when I can apply for reinstatement. "

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" With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. "

Rodney Dangerfield

Birthday

Woman

Respect

" My birthday is a day when all I want is to bask in the love of my family and rarely accept offers for concerts and shows if they are to be held on this day. "

" I've raced on all seven continents at least twice. I've probably run thousands of races. But the single race that I'm most proud is a 10K. Yes, a 10K. I ran it with my daughter on her 10th birthday. "

" I look at the records, and you don't win the Cy Young seven times or the MVP without being a good player. "

" I dated a guy for over a year who lied about his age the entire time. I found out after the fact and couldn't believe it! I even threw him a birthday party for the wrong age... I couldn't get over how hard he had tried to keep it a secret! "

" I was born full grown in the middle of a hurricane and an earthquake on 10 September 1954, 12.52 P.M. When I found out that I had missed lunch, I gave such a shout that the Earth stopped and spun backwards two days. That's why I celebrate my birthday on 8 September. "

" It was a big pleasure to play a Grand Slam match on my birthday. "

" If I'm about to forget my kid's birthday, I want the phone to scream at me until I do something about it. "

Sundar Pichai

Kid

Birthday

" I don't go to bed every night worried about getting back into baseball. "

" Citizens, thank you for all your birthday wishes. I am 88 years old today and still lucky to live in the greatest city in the world. "

" I threw my 20th birthday party at Brown, and I didn't even have to say to anyone not to put pictures on Facebook. Not a single picture went up. That was when I knew I'd found a solid group of friends, and I felt like I belonged. "

" You know, we'd just had a birthday, he was... you know, he still had a future out of him, and all I can is he was just one of the most beautiful people in the world... a very gifted man, and it's a loss to the world, not just for us. "

" I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. "

" My interests were more extracurricular, more external, and more social than they were academic. My birthday is also in December, so I was one of the older kids. That meant I learned social leadership early on. I was always just much better in a team and work environment than I was in a classroom environment. "

" Our kids will never have to remember things, because it's all in pictures. Want to remember your fourth birthday? There'll be video of it on your phone. "

" I had a 'Cats' phase, where I did lots of overturned furniture and trash cans. I asked for a fog machine for my birthday. "

" As I approached my 18th birthday and prepared to enter military service in World War II, I was recommended to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood. "

" I know that might sound silly coming from someone my age, but I remember on my 14th birthday having a crisis like my mom should be having. I kept thinking that I was getting older, and I haven't really accomplished anything. I remember thinking that I better accomplish something real soon. "

" There are two kinds of people in crisis situations - those who fight and those who freeze. I'm a freezer, and that's just going by the couple of surprise birthday parties I've had thrown for me. "

Cobie Smulders

Surprise

Fight

" I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around. "

" The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. "

" It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me. "

" Brooks Robinson belongs in a higher league. "

" The only thing better than singing is more singing. "

Ella Fitzgerald

Singing

Better

" I'm a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory. "

" Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time. "

" Having a Mary Poppins-themed birthday party when I was 5 - all my friends went in dresses, and I went as a chimney sweep. I was a real tomboy. "

" I never picked up my phone and called a bookmaker and bet on a baseball game from the clubhouse. Never. "

" There is no doubt that because I am a switch hitter I have one of the best offensive advantages that a hitter can have. "

" If I have one wish for my birthday, it is that 35 is the end of desperation and the beginning of acceptance. Part of that is believing that if I'm meant to give birth, I will. "