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" I've participated in the Nautica Malibu Triathlon a couple of times, but only in the running portion. "

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" If I'm alone, I tend to cook for myself. I do a pretty good job of preparing healthful foods. My go-to is everything in a bowl like quinoa, avocado. Later in the day, scrambled eggs. I'm not a gourmet chef. I cook in bulk very well. "

" I love, love, love, love, love, love Naeem Khan. Every dress he makes looks like it belongs in a museum. You put it on, and you feel like royalty. "

" I wrote comedy sketches in college. "

" I joined an improv comedy group. Ours was named 'Quick Fire!' with an exclamation point. It was when I auditioned for that team and got on it and felt like... I'll just say I felt like I was good at it. "

" If you're tired, you shouldn't make yourself exercise. Take a nap instead. It's about getting an appropriate amount of work and rest. I get very crabby if I'm not well-rested. "

" Los Angeles survives on that which is unpredictable. The unexpected courses through its very veins. "

" There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen, Abraham Lincoln, the man who played Phil Spector in HBO's 'Phil Spector.' But even those guys, while insightful and amusing, aren't exactly funny. "

" Most New Yorkers want to look amazing, and they want you to understand that they look amazing, but they also want you to stop staring at them. "

" It took two months from the day my fiance proposed to my first Google search for 'wedding planning: how?' Now, let me interrupt myself here and share how much I hate using the word 'fiance.' It's so fancy, and it's hard not to sound like a jerk saying it. Which is why I will be using my own word for fiance: gloob. "

" I've never had prejudice against me because of being a woman in comedy, I've never felt any sort of unfairness because of that - but I do think it is naive to think that it doesn't exist. "

" I like healthful foods, but I'm from the Midwest, so I like food that's been around longer. "

" For a few months, I'd have a green juice every day, but one day, I realized I'd rather eat those ingredients than drink them. "

" I'm a little disappointed in myself because before getting pregnant, I resolved to do all these things during my pregnancy to nurse a healthy pregnancy. And so I'm finding in these final weeks that I didn't do any of them. "

" I have found I'm leaning toward more vibrant colors because I'm so happy in them. "

" I think I get certain pleasure from writing what I'm performing. "

" It's interesting because with a lot of people who I've met in comedy, it seems not to matter what your background is. In terms of formal schooling - I feel like that's a nineteenth century term - but in terms of where you went to high school or college, or wherever, all that really is irrelevant, I have found, in comedy. "

" I guess it's easier to think badly and then be pleasantly surprised. "

" Improv is mostly what I've studied. "

" I'm a morning bird. I love getting up before it's light out if it's possible. I wake up, I have a black coffee. I'm an 86-year-old man. I try to work out first thing to get it over with. When I do it, I feel good because I have the endorphins all day. "

" I loved 'Freaks and Geeks.' I don't know a better show. "

" A man's face is not a rich person's lawn; you are wasting resources if you devote that much energy to trimming your beard, sideburns, or mustache just so. Nor is a man's face the woods; there need not be the tangled weeds, shrubbery, and wildlife/eggs benedict that get ensnared in them. "

" If you're going to plan a wedding, then a certain amount of suffering is not a choice. "

" I have given myself dork shivers so many times that I would be an outright liar if I characterized myself as anything other than a pure, utter, and unadulterated dork. "

" I think New Yorkers are some of the friendliest people in the world, but it just comes out in a different way. In a way where they're swearing at you. "

" In Los Angeles, people dress with the deep and earnest hope that people will do nothing but stare at them. "

" I have very sensitive skin, and so, whenever I can, I want to give it a rest. I'm, like, the moisturizing queen. "

" New York is like the weirdest city in the United States, in a great way, and Los Angeles is probably more similar to most of America. "

" I always have ice cream in the house. I have a bowl of it, and then a bit more. One of the greatest pleasures in my life is going back and getting a second half-bowl. The first bowl is just the prelude. "

" Growing up, I had one very specific idea of what a wedding should be, and that was the wedding of Fraulein Maria and Captain von Trapp in 'The Sound of Music.' "

" Men, who certainly possess not only the savvy but also the know-how to be funny, for some reason, are just not. I began to notice this at a pretty young age, and unfortunately, a lifetime of living - and not a little bit of regret - hasn't done much to convince me otherwise. "