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" Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet. "

Chuck Palahniuk

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" Learning about factory farms and their horrendous treatment of animals is what made me become vegetarian in the first place. I also support the education of the public on adopting pets from animal shelters or saving homeless animals off the street in lieu of buying them from pet shops. "

" When a guy tells me I'm cute, it's not something desirable. Cute is more like what you want your pet to be. "

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" Sometimes you do something, and you get screwed. Sometimes it's the things you don't do, and you get screwed. "

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" When working, my diet degrades to pizza three times a day, because I don't want to distract myself from anything. "

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" Do you remember when you were 10 or 11 years old and you really thought your folks were the best? They were completely omniscient and you took their word for everything. And then you got older and you went through this hideous age when suddenly they were the devil, they were bullies, and they didn't know anything. "

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" My only writing ritual is to shave my head bald between writing the first and second drafts of a book. If I can throw away all my hair, then I have the freedom to trash any part of the book on the next rewrite. "

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" Being successful is about professionalism, and chewing gum is unprofessional. Its also a huge pet peeve of mine. "

Professionalism

" I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days. "

" The best thing about getting a flu shot is that you never again need to wash your hands. That's how I see it. "

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" I try to forget about the expectation that's out there and the audience listening for the next thing so that I'm not trying to please them. I've spent a huge amount of time not communicating with those folks and denying that they exist. "

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" Portland in particular is a cheap enough place to live that you can still develop your passion - painting, writing, music. People seem less status-conscious. Even wealthy people buy second-hand clothes and look a little bit homeless. "

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" If you knew that your life was merely a phase or short, short segment of your entire existence, how would you live? Knowing nothing 'real' was at risk, what would you do? You'd live a gigantic, bold, fun, dazzling life. You know you would. That's what the ghosts want us to do - all the exciting things they no longer can. "

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" The only thing I shy away from is non-consensual violence. I can't write a story where someone is a simple victim because it's boring. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Think about George Orwell's three-minute hate from the novel '1984' and how that left everyone sort of exhausted and able to live their boring humdrum lives. If our lives are going to continue being unfulfilled and boring, perhaps we do need some sort of short-term violent chaos incorporated into them, to make them more palatable. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I really love animals. My cat is my little soul mate. He's not just a cat, he's my friend. "

" The cat is a dilettante in fur. "

Theophile Gautier

" I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. "

Hippolyte Taine

" The young men, they look to me for a story they can get nowhere else, a challenging risky story. "

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" Nobody's told me anything to date that I've been completely reviled by. "

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" The act of writing is a way of tricking yourself into revealing something that you would never consciously put into the world. Sometimes I'm shocked by the deeply personal things I've put into books without realizing it. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Pets have more love and compassion in them than most humans. "

" I was home schooled in high school but was definitely the nerd in middle school. I was in three academic clubs, a huge book worm, and the teacher's pet. I was kind of an easy target for bullies. "

Nicole Anderson

" Every woman is just a different kind of problem. "

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" Laziness in my biggest pet peeve of all time. Get up, make a plan, do the work, and love yourself, people! "

" Mr. Olsen in the fifth grade made me want to be a writer. He said, 'Chuck, you do this really well. And this is much better than setting fires, so keep it up.' That made me a writer. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" What happens when you take a lion out of the safari and try to take him to your place of residence and make him a house pet? It ain't going to happen. That's the type of person that I am. I'm that lion. "

" I've got a new invention. It's a revolving bowl for tired goldfish. "

" A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people, and many cats prefer people to other cats. "

" I'm not a big pet fan. I remember the school used to have a hamster, and you used to take it home for a week at a time. I did that. I probably got bored of it within a day. "

" We don't see a lot of models for male social interaction. There's sports and barn raisings. "

Chuck Palahniuk