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" When I was in seventh grade, I was a scrawny boy with no muscles, so I went out for wrestling. My intention was to develop secret wrestling skills so that if I were jumped by a bully, I'd shout, 'Ha!' and he'd be on the ground in a headlock. "

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" My body believes a famine is imminent and has begun stocking up on provisions. These supplies are being stored around my waistline. I've tried explaining to my stomach that this is entirely unnecessary: I've never once, not even when I was in college and more broke than the E.U., done any actual starving. "

W. Bruce Cameron

Never

Body

College

" For me, the most indispensable tool for wrapping presents is a wife. "

W. Bruce Cameron

Wife

Tool

" It's never easy to adapt a book, especially as the author, because it's as if you're chopping off appendages. It really feels painful to decide what has to go. "

" Parenting is difficult under any circumstances, and in my father's view, to raise a morally upright and honest child, you sometimes have to lie to him. "

" My younger sister looks to me to provide her with advice on how to do her job better - though she's too shy to ask me questions, so I have to give her my opinion on an unsolicited basis. "

W. Bruce Cameron

Job

Better

" An ice-fishing shanty is basically a tin outhouse on a frozen lake, except that in an outhouse, the hole has a purpose. In ice fishing, the hole is what you stare at for hours, hoping that at some point you'll break the monotony by falling in. "

" When you adopt a dog, you have a lot of very good days and one very bad day. "

" Without a dog, you'd never have anyone demonstrate how important it is to stop every day and smell the roses... and then lift your leg on them. "

" I started writing in fourth grade and never stopped. I faked my way through high school and nearly was flushed from college - I still can't pay attention - and then had a series of day jobs. But always, continuously, I have written. "

" I've read that an average dog possesses a vocabulary of 200-300 words, which is enough for him to have his own Twitter account. "

" There are apparently three factors that lead to longevity: heredity, habits, and what your wife will let you get away with. "

" When you have a half slice of chocolate pie, it's as if you owe yourself the other half - what's known in medical circles as a 'caloric deficit.' "

" I've read that the ancient Chinese art of feng shui can bring a sense of peace, well-being, and positive energy to a home - same as beer. "

" The loneliest, most down-on-his-luck person can have a dog who adores him. The most bitter, sour person can light up with joy when he sees his dog. It is magical and, as 'The Dog Master' reveals, it is biological - we evolved together. "

" Most of what happens in the world is far beyond a dog's comprehension, so they must turn to their faith in us to help them navigate life's treacheries. Don't we, also, have unanswerable questions about the vagaries of modern existence for which the answer is beyond human grasp, so that only our faith can guide us? "

" I've always been busy, but I wasn't always successful. "

" In my opinion, it has never been proven that food even has calories. When I bite into a hamburger, I see pickle and ketchup and bun and meat, but if there's a calorie in there, it must be hidden. "

" I don't think my father considered allowing a teenager to follow his dreams was necessarily good parenting, or even parenting. I think he thought I was a teenager with teenage impulses. I'm pretty sure he knew that if he just let me follow those impulses, it would wind up being very expensive and perhaps even life-endangering. "

" I have never been able to pay attention to anything for more than a few minutes - the stories in my head have always been so much more entertaining. Only books could pull me out of my own imagination, and then it was only to plunge me into someone else's. "

W. Bruce Cameron

Someone

Imagination

" As to which is cuter, a puppy or a baby, I'm going to say that probably depends less on the particular puppy and more on the baby. I've seen pictures of me as an infant and consider myself lucky that nobody ever offered my parents the opportunity to trade me for a beagle. "

" I am an independent, strong-willed, free, and unfettered individual who lets his wife decide for him what he wants to eat. "

" When I was in grade school, my teachers decided I was just about the dumbest thing to come through the door in a long time. Whatever the lesson, whatever the subject, I would sit and listen to them with a lost, glassy-eyed expression on my face. "

" I am a newspaper columnist and a professional screenwriter, but my real love is the novel for all the room it has for characters to come alive and breathe and face their challenges. "

" During the holidays, I often see my sisters, who still, even after all these years, can't always seem to agree with me. They take silly, indefensible positions, such as denying that my parents loved me more because I was the better child. "

" Even if you've gone easy on the vermouth, there are still serious downsides to alcohol consumption, including but not limited to the sense that you're a good dancer. "

" Throughout the day, my phone will variously chirp, burp and growl - it's like living with a velociraptor. The last time I went to try to shut it off, the thing bit me. "

W. Bruce Cameron

Phone

Living

" About the most exciting thing a baby can do is burp - I've spent hours of my life holding a baby on my shoulder and patting its back, trying to loosen up a burp. Burping was probably invented to give the father something positive to do, since our chests are not equipped to allow us to do much else. "

" Without a dog, you'll be without at least one creature who thinks you are the smartest, most decent and heroic human being on the planet. "

" I know it sounds strange, but I'm one of those people who goes to a coffee shop to drink coffee. "

" Back during the most dramatic and challenging time in our history, when we first came together with wolves, we had no idea that it was changing everything, but we literally evolved together. Without us there would be no dogs, and vice versa. "