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" Communicating with teenage girls is easy unless you're an adult, and then it's like having someone take a pair of pliers and, one-by-one, yank off your fingernails through your ears. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Through
You
Easy
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" I think, of all the holidays we celebrate, my least favorite is Earth Day. For one thing, I never know what sort of gift is appropriate. A jar of dirt, maybe? And it's not clear to me why Earth even needs a 'day,' since a spin on its axis creates a day. That's like giving a man who owns a shoe store a gift of a pair of shoes. "
W. Bruce Cameron
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" Without a dog, I would have tassels on my throw pillows instead of little stubs of yarn that look like small worms. The pillows seem to function just fine without the tassels, so perhaps it isn't a problem. "
W. Bruce Cameron
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" When you adopt a dog, you have a lot of very good days and one very bad day. "
W. Bruce Cameron
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" My advice to anybody, including myself, is if you're going through a bad period, and you just can't see the world's on your shoulders and no day is a good day, you're missing the whole point of the experience. And that's something dogs know from the moment they come bounding up to you as a puppy. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Moment
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" I think I'm good at training dogs, but none of my dogs agree with me on that. "
W. Bruce Cameron
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" The first cellphone I owned was hardly a slim, high-tech device - it was more like a brick with buttons, only with worse reception. If you wanted to use your phone to give someone a message, you were better off throwing it at him and hoping you broke his car window. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Better
Phone
Window
" Parenting is difficult under any circumstances, and in my father's view, to raise a morally upright and honest child, you sometimes have to lie to him. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Lie
You
View
" I've always thought that I'd make a pretty good police officer, except maybe for the danger part. I have a rare medical condition that makes it difficult for me to risk getting shot, so probably I'd have to be one of those officers who work in 'do not shoot' areas. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Work
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" My mother taught me to drive using the 'Detroit Method,' where speed limits and traffic lights are taken as cute suggestions. "
W. Bruce Cameron
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" Even if you've gone easy on the vermouth, there are still serious downsides to alcohol consumption, including but not limited to the sense that you're a good dancer. "
W. Bruce Cameron
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Serious
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" Back during the most dramatic and challenging time in our history, when we first came together with wolves, we had no idea that it was changing everything, but we literally evolved together. Without us there would be no dogs, and vice versa. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Wolves
Together
Time
" 3D printers give us what we've all been craving: another reason to talk to technical support. When you finally get the thing working, though, you'll be able to print out your grocery list as a cube! When you look up directions online, you can print the map out on a globe! "
W. Bruce Cameron
Reason
Talk
Support
" In my opinion, it has never been proven that food even has calories. When I bite into a hamburger, I see pickle and ketchup and bun and meat, but if there's a calorie in there, it must be hidden. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Meat
Food
Never
" For me, the most indispensable tool for wrapping presents is a wife. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Me
Wife
Tool
" I was an arrogant man. I not only thought I could manage my life without help, I wanted it that way. I had best-selling books and a TV show and movie contracts; I felt invincible, secure in the thought that everything was my doing. And then, like all arrogant men, I came to stumble. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Man
Help
Life
" The loneliest, most down-on-his-luck person can have a dog who adores him. The most bitter, sour person can light up with joy when he sees his dog. It is magical and, as 'The Dog Master' reveals, it is biological - we evolved together. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Together
Dog
Him
" I don't think my father considered allowing a teenager to follow his dreams was necessarily good parenting, or even parenting. I think he thought I was a teenager with teenage impulses. I'm pretty sure he knew that if he just let me follow those impulses, it would wind up being very expensive and perhaps even life-endangering. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Parenting
Wind
Good
" An ice-fishing shanty is basically a tin outhouse on a frozen lake, except that in an outhouse, the hole has a purpose. In ice fishing, the hole is what you stare at for hours, hoping that at some point you'll break the monotony by falling in. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Falling
Fishing
Lake
" With social media, you don't just publish a book and figure you've done your part; your fans want to talk to you, have a conversation. It means, though, that you can connect with your readers like never before, so you don't have to guess what they like - you can ask. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Book
Conversation
Media
" About the most exciting thing a baby can do is burp - I've spent hours of my life holding a baby on my shoulder and patting its back, trying to loosen up a burp. Burping was probably invented to give the father something positive to do, since our chests are not equipped to allow us to do much else. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Baby
Father
Positive
" When you have a half slice of chocolate pie, it's as if you owe yourself the other half - what's known in medical circles as a 'caloric deficit.' "
W. Bruce Cameron
Yourself
You
Pie
" When I was in seventh grade, I was a scrawny boy with no muscles, so I went out for wrestling. My intention was to develop secret wrestling skills so that if I were jumped by a bully, I'd shout, 'Ha!' and he'd be on the ground in a headlock. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Wrestling
Intention
Bully
" It's never easy to adapt a book, especially as the author, because it's as if you're chopping off appendages. It really feels painful to decide what has to go. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Adapt
Easy
Never
" I am a newspaper columnist and a professional screenwriter, but my real love is the novel for all the room it has for characters to come alive and breathe and face their challenges. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Challenges
Love
Face
" I started writing in fourth grade and never stopped. I faked my way through high school and nearly was flushed from college - I still can't pay attention - and then had a series of day jobs. But always, continuously, I have written. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Attention
Writing
School
" I've read that the ancient Chinese art of feng shui can bring a sense of peace, well-being, and positive energy to a home - same as beer. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Positive
Beer
Art
" I am the sort of athlete who participates in a lot of winter sports - basketball, for example, is an activity that I'll spend many hours a week watching. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Week
Basketball
I Am
" Without a dog, you'll be without at least one creature who thinks you are the smartest, most decent and heroic human being on the planet. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Without
Dog
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" Without a dog, no one will listen to your opinions for more than a few minutes without interrupting to tell you their opinions, which you won't find nearly as interesting. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Listen
You
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" You'd think skiing wouldn't be strenuous - all you have to do, after all, is start at the top and let gravity pull you to the dessert bar in the lodge. But at those elevations, you'll find about as much oxygen as you'll find kindness from your children. It's like spending six hours holding your breath. "
W. Bruce Cameron
Think
Children
Kindness