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" The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists: Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester? "

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" Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it. "

" It just seems to me that there's no particular reason comedy albums should be dead. There's a lot to laugh at. We have very funny people, still. "

" I listen to the audience and try and bounce with them. All audiences are different. But they are all homo sapiens. "

" You look just like you! "

" The dreadful thing about getting older is you cry at the drop of a hat. "

" No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad. "

" I will jump on anybody's private plane at the drop of a hat. I'm an old-fashioned lower-middle-class boy. "

" Americans like to think 'Python' is how English people really are. There is an element of truth to that. "

" At least in America, you have freedom of speech, which is a good thing. It's just a question of whether you're allowed to use it on 'Fox News'. "

" I love my family, my wife, my kids, my dogs, my home, my life. I am a very happy and contented man. "

" A website can be very time-intensive, but I'd love to have one where people can contribute to it - like invent islands and make their own flags, and their own laws. I think that'd be kind of fun. "

" Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty. "

" Nobody gets irony anymore, as we are now living in the post-ironic age. Once George Bush gets a library, our irony is dead. "

" Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours. "

" I do pool exercises, like weightlifting but underwater. I walk, I swim... I'm pretty fit for an old bloke. "

" My education was paid for by the RAF Benevolent Fund, so a charity school, run like an orphanage, with uniforms and beatings. It was tough, but it got me to Cambridge - like being a chrysalis suddenly becoming a butterfly. "

" People can tell the truth much more freely when they're apparently lying. "

" You initially become funny as a kid because you're looking for attention and love. Psychologists think that's all to do with mother abandonment. I think John Cleese has his depressions, and Terry Gilliam's the same. All of us together make one completely insane person. "

" I like being a foreigner. For me, to live in California is very pleasant - I'm more comfortable not feeling a part of everything, not feeling responsible for the government or the roads or the health system. "

" I think the special thing about Python is that it's a writers' commune. The writers are in charge. The writers decide what the material is. "

" I like the idea of being out there regularly with an audience and with a funny gang of people. That's what I grew up with - doing television, doing shows every week. "

" I won't read scripts because I have a limited amount of time. Why should I help other people do lame stuff when I can just go out and put on lame stuff of my own? "

" John Cleese once told me he'd do anything for money. So I offered him a pound to shut up, and he took it. "

" I'm more surprised than anyone that 'Spamalot's done so well. You can never predict what's going to be a hit. "

" I've always found bad films more enjoyable than good ones. "

" I was thrilled to win a Tony in 2005 for 'Spamalot'. "

" If the studios paid the artists, how would they ever be able to afford the executives? "

" I'm drawn to things that aren't particularly popular at the time. I don't know why. "

" We've discovered that the less we do, the more money we make. "

" I never think in terms of target audience. I try to write what makes me laugh, so I'm the target audience. I guess I just hope there's another person in America like me. "