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" The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was - it really is, I have a career despite myself. "

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" I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves. "

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" I have sadness in me. I have anger in me. I have heartbreak in me. "

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" I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we're all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose... When you connect with that love and that compassion, that's when everything unfolds. "

" I didn't see deep emotion from my parents. It was all very polite and very surface. I never knew how anybody was feeling. "

" Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come. "

" Comedy can be, especially in a writer's room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It's not a nurturing place. It's not like a lot of women are going to say, I can't wait to live that lifestyle and be in a writer's room until 2 or 3 a.m. "

" You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. "

" Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw every single week on the wall at Sunday school was the Golden Rule. "

" The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball. "

" I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good. "

" Hosting the Oscars is pretty much the scariest thing you can do. To me, this is right up there with bungee jumping! "

" I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it's pretty equal. I don't know why that is. It's been the same thing for a while. It's hard for female comedians to stand out. That's weird. That's a shame. "

" Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away. "

" People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. "

" I have an amazing team; I have amazing producers; I have amazing writers, but at the end of it, it's me making the decisions on the writing, the tone, the editing. "

" No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are. "

" I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules. "

" I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor's wife right now. "

" It's not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school. "

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" I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with. "

" My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. "

" I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called. "

" A kid should be told that you can have feelings. "

" I've gotten to a place where I really am just settled. Really. "

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" I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me. "

" I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. "

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" It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that's what I know for sure... I think. "

" I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy farms. "

" I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal - because I'm not hiding anything from them. "

" I think everybody should have the same anger towards the injustice that's happening and the hatred that's happening, and just fight it with love and compassion. "