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" It's not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school. "

Ellen DeGeneres

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" If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that. "

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" I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor's wife right now. "

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" I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I've started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I've written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun. "

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" Hosting the Oscars is pretty much the scariest thing you can do. To me, this is right up there with bungee jumping! "

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" Right before I decided to come out, I went on a spiritual retreat called 'Changing the Inner Dialogue of Your Subconscious Mind.' I'd never been to anything like it before, and all my friends were taking bets on how long I'd last with no TV, no radio, no phone. But for me that was the beginning of paying attention to all the little things. "

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" Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. "

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" Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. "

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" I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I'm a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I collect old portraits. They're all just interesting pictures of people, and you just kind of wonder who they were and what they were. There's a guy - I don't know who he is, but he's wearing a suit. He's got his arms folded, and he looks like he sold insurance or something. I'm just wondering why someone painted him. "

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" I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short and has white hair. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime's Funniest Person in America. And that's a really tough title to travel around with when you're not even known. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" The first house I bought was a little Spanish bungalow on Clinton Street in West Hollywood, right behind the Improv. I was renting it, and I asked the owners if I could buy it, and they were really nice and let me work out a deal. And I fixed it up and later sold it. That was when I realized that if you make some improvements, you can make money. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That's a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I just feel like every kid is growing up too fast and they're seeing too much. Everything is about sex, and that's fine for me. I'm not saying I don't like it. But I don't think it should be everywhere, where kids are exposed to everything sexual. Because they have to have some innocence; there's just no innocence left. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" A kid should be told that you can have feelings. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I think anybody who wants to be president has to be a politician, but I would like to find somebody who's coming from a loving place instead of a political place. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I'd start drifting off... I can't sit still too long. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" The truth is - and this is corny - I fall more in love with Portia all the time. I really do. She surprises me all the time. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I wanted to have money; I wanted to be special; I wanted people to like me; I wanted to be famous. "

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" Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come. "

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" I have an amazing team; I have amazing producers; I have amazing writers, but at the end of it, it's me making the decisions on the writing, the tone, the editing. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" Portia and I constantly say to each other, 'We are so lucky.' Sometimes it's lying in bed at night before I go to sleep, and I just say thank you to whatever, whoever is out there. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings. "

Ellen DeGeneres