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" The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine. "
Bill Vaughan
Ant
Whale
Just
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" The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears. "
Bill Vaughan
Other
Then
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" Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. "
Bill Vaughan
Youth
Late
Age
" The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. "
Bill Vaughan
Home
World
Now
" A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. "
Bill Vaughan
Green
Small
Child
" Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college. "
Bill Vaughan
Man
Son
Education
" Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. "
Bill Vaughan
Happiness
Study
Research
" Maybe the answer to Selective Service is to start everyone off in the army and draft them for civilian life as needed. "
Bill Vaughan
Service
Start
Army
" The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does. "
Bill Vaughan
Politics
Cookie
He
" People learn something every day, and a lot of times it's that what they learned the day before was wrong. "
Bill Vaughan
Wrong
Every Day
Learn
" Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day. "
Bill Vaughan
Animal
Work
Space
" Muscles come and go; flab lasts. "
Bill Vaughan
Muscles
Come And Go
Come
" By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. "
Bill Vaughan
You
Everything
Old
" Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. "
Bill Vaughan
Now
Parking
Women
" If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. "
Bill Vaughan
Who
Than
Standard
" A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. "
Bill Vaughan
Democracy
Vote
Ocean
" In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. "
Bill Vaughan
Early
Good
Life
" Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. "
Bill Vaughan
Trees
Names
Streets
" I'm an actor. And I guess I've done so many movies I've achieved some high visibility. But a star? I guess I still think of myself as kind of a worker ant. "
Bill Vaughan
Myself
Think
Star
" To God, thy country, and thy friend be true. "
Bill Vaughan
Be True
Friend
Thy
" It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them. "
Bill Vaughan
Nice
Poor
Studying
" A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. "
Bill Vaughan
Parking
Who
Patriot
" We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics. "
Bill Vaughan
Hope
Will
Remember
" The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. "
Bill Vaughan
Love
Tax
Funny