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" Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. "

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" You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people. "

" Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. "

" Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. "

Henry Kissinger

" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "

" I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously. "

" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "

" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "

Garry Shandling

" Is everything funny? For me, yes. There's a positive to every negative. Even my divorce? For me, yes. If you go back and look at it, why it happened or how it happened, there's something in there that'll make you laugh. "

" I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny - but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.' "

" Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. "

" The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest. "

Jean de la Bruyere

" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "

" I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. "

" What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise. "

Jerome K. Jerome

" I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time. "

" A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. "

" It's a funny thing: my name in Arabic means hope, so I suppose I have to live by that principle. Hope is desire, feeling, and investing in a projection of something that doesn't yet exist. At its best, you witness its alchemy in your life, turning something that was once in the mind into reality. At its worst, it's delusion. "

" I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. "

" The funny thing is, I've never really hurt myself in an action movie. I've done 'Wanted,' 'X-Men,' 'Welcome To The Punch,' even 'Trance' to a certain extent has little bits of action and stuff, but I've never really hurt myself at all - not even like a sprained ankle. "

" I think my funny books are my favorites because I like to laugh so much. "

" Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "

" I definitely started to perform a little bit in middle school, but not the typical musical/play route. I think that I am funny, but it was more of a social thing, where that was my part in my circle of friends. "

" Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. "

" One picture is worth 1,000 denials. "

Picture Is Worth

" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "

" You meet folks who are funny and really smart and persistent and loving that are confronting this thing we call poverty, which is just a shorthand for this way of life that holds you underwater. And you just wonder what our country would be if we allowed these people to flourish and reach their full potential. "

Matthew Desmond

" I like Ben Stein. I think he's funny, creative, and an insightful commentator on a host of issues. "

" I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. "

" I didn't understand key signatures or anything, you know. I'd say silly things at the top of a trumpet part like, 'Note, when you play B naturals, make the B naturals a half step lower because they sound funny if they're B naturals.' And some guy said: 'Idiot, just put a flat on the third line and it's a key signature, you know?' "