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" The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. "

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" Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. "

Benjamin Franklin

" My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. "

Angie Dickinson

" Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. "

" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. "

" I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me. "

" I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it. "

" We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity - romantic love and gunpowder. "

" Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. "

George Bernard Shaw

" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "

" I looked on my stomach and saw Frieda Rebecca, white as flour with the cream that covers new babies, funny little dark squiggles of hair plastered over her head, with big, dark-blue eyes. "

" If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. "

" If you believe, as I do believe, in reincarnation, they say that every time you come back, it's because you have to finish something. I've a funny feeling that my thing in this life is to have one relationship after another. "

" My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain. "

" If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! "

" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "

" I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day. "

Jennifer Aniston

" When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them. "

" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "

" Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty. "

" I don't think I would do a straight late-night talk show, like a 'Tonight Show' kind of thing. But I'm open to whatever is done well. I don't have any agenda. I'm not like Fugazi - I'm not trying to be just so punk rock until I die. Whatever is funny is good. "

" There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh. "

" Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace. "

" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "

" I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented. "

" Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book. "

" Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. "