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" There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!' "

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" Green Eggs and Ham was the story of my life. I wouldn't eat a thing when I was a kid, but Dr. Seuss inspired me to try cauliflower! "

" My dad was like a stage mother he always pushed me to do what I wanted. "

" I don't care if people think I am an overactor, as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter. "

" I just want to be myself. "

" I don't make it in regular channels, and that's okay for me. "

" You know, I live a monastic lifestyle. No, I do. I do live in extremes, basically. I go back and forth. Once every six months, I'll have a day where I eat more chocolate than has ever been consumed by a human being. "

" I've arrived at the place if I'm not taking a career risk, I'm not happy. If I'm scared, then I know I'm being challenged. "

" I'm a hard guy to live with. I'm like a caged animal. I'm up all night walking around the living room. It's hard for me to come down from what I do. "

" I think I could go away tomorrow. I've already accomplished something. It's such a selfish business that sometimes I get sick of myself. "

" I want to be the greatest actor that ever lived, frankly. I'd love that. But I don't need to be. I just want to be here. That's it. "

" Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches. "

" My family kinda hit the skids. We were experiencing poverty at that point. We all got a job, where the whole family had to work as security guards and janitors. And I just got angry. "

" I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny. "

" I've tried everything. I've done therapy, I've done colonics. I went to a psychic who had me running around town buying pieces of ribbon to fill the colors in my aura. Did the Prozac thing. "

" My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh. "

" Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. "

" Life is an ordeal, albeit an exciting one, but I wouldn't trade it for the good old days of poverty and obscurity. "

" I'm the first to admit this whole salary thing is getting out of control. In the final analysis, it's still about the work. "

" Ever since I started to get recognition I've picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them. "

" I try to do something the audience might not have seen before. Like if I'm gonna kiss a girl I wanna kiss her like a girl has never been kissed. Like maybe I would kick her legs out from under her and catch her right before she hits the ground and then kiss her. "

" I love playing ego and insecurity combined. "

" It's hard for anybody who's been with me not to feel starved for affection when I'm making love to my ideas. Maybe it's not meant for me to settle down and be married. "

" My report card always said, 'Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students'. "

" I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of the day when I'm alone and don't have to be performing. "

" Morgan Freeman is so class. He's so cool. He's so scary. "

" I'm very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful. "

" I absolutely want to have a career where you make'em laugh and make'em cry. It's all theater. "

" I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, 'Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.' "

" I used to draw a lot. If my mother would ask me to do something else, I'd have a hairy conniption. I'd just go crazy. "