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" TV ushered in the age of postliteracy. And we have gone so far beyond that. I mean, what with the Internet and Google and Wikipedia. We have entered the age of post-intelligence. "

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" Our earliest evidence of government, in the ruins of Babylon and Egypt, shows nothing but ziggurats and pyramids of wasted taxpayer money, the TARP funds and shovel-ready stimulus programs of their day. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Government

Nothing

Day

" The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15, we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail. "

" The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of a phone pole with our whole family strapped inside. "

" People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth. "

" Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. "

" We've come into the world of '1984,' but it turns out to be '1984'-Lite. "

" Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. "

" Writing is agony. I hate it. "

" If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult. "

" The anti-individualist enemies that Ayn Rand battled are still the enemy, but they've shifted their line of attack. Political collectivists are no longer much interested in taking things away from the wealthy and creative. "

" I come from Toledo, Ohio, a town that has been hurt badly by the shift of the automobile business towards Japan. And yet I remember how the car workers lived in the neighborhood that I grew up in. My father was a car salesman, and I remember how we lived. I remember how modestly we lived. "

" In thirteen years, every aspect of the universe can change - ask a thirteen-year-old. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" China is trying to become America without democracy while America is trying to become France without cheese calories. "

" There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner. "

" What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I've received a spam text. "

" Popular culture has become engorged, broadening and thickening until it's the only culture anyone notices. "

" All business is capitalistic. You require capital for any sort of business endeavour. "

" Term limits aren't enough. We need jail. "

" Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Purpose

Children

" I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements. "

" Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. "

" The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my wife that I need help. "

" I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a little. I'm not rich, but I can afford a few grand if I have to have my appendix taken out. I can pitch in a little bit. "

P. J. O'Rourke

I Can

Nothing

" Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum. "

" We did not become libertarians because we are altruists. "

" I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, 'Where's the art?' They weren't doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had... maybe I could even quit renting. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Life

Friends

" Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that we elected this doofus. He was a bright enough guy and sort of well-meaning. But he was about as prepared to be president of the United States as your goofy old uncle, you know, the one that memorises baseball statistics. "

" The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out. "

" Upbeat is for people who want to feel good about their cause: the reformers, the progressives, the revolutionaries, the utopians, the collectivists, and the rest of the altruistic scum of the earth. Why do these people want to feel good? They want to feel good in order to convince themselves that they are good. "