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" When I got my Oprah money, the first thing I bought was a really nice electronic bidet toilet seat. "

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" When people think of me, I want them to think of a travel show host who's really funny and good at his job, and I think eventually the CP won't even play into it, or at least that's the goal. "

" Over the years, I learned that in my career, unlike in life, sometimes my wheelchair is its own automatic door opener. I was able to win the OWN competition by applying one simple principle: be funny, and admit you suck before anyone else can call you out on it. In other words, make the narrative of your failure a comedy. "

" The only two characters I can play convincingly are myself and a dumber and sweeter version of myself. "

" Talking to people is important to me as someone who has cerebral palsy. I know what it's like to have people not talking to me because they are scared they would ask the wrong question, but I would rather have an honest dialogue as long as it comes from an honest place. "

" Humor disarms people. It opens them up to starting a dialogue about things they wouldn't normally talk about. I don't understand how people who don't have a sense of humor get through life. "

" This country is pretty amazing. "

" Religion is such an important part of so many people's lives, and I don't understand it at all. "

" I've accepted that we've all got crap to deal with and problems that we're fighting not to be defined by. At the end of the day, we all want the same stuff: fulfillment, love, support, comfort, and a hot-air balloon with laser guns attached to it. The most important thing is that we appreciate the crazy ride we're on. "

" My parents instilled in me a sense of self that I was more than just a diagnosis or a condition. "

" We've all got hurdles we have to overcome, and mine are not necessarily any bigger than anyone else's. "

" It's ridiculous that we are in a place where we feel like we can classify and dismiss certain groups of people just because of the way they look, or we have these standards of health - like, cellulite is something you need to get rid of. No, it isn't. It's just a part of people's bodies. "

" I don't subscribe to the idea that if you don't have the body you want, you can't be proud of the body you have. I think you can do both. "

" My grandmother was a church organist, but we only went on Easter and Christmas Eve sometimes. "

" I've always wanted to do a travel show for people who never thought they could. "

" Even when something sad or tragic happens, I find a way to look at it in a positive light. People who don't have a sense of humor must be so sad all the time. "

" My grandma was a church organist for 40 years, and she got me into jazz music and great songwriters, Harold Arlen, George Gershwin, all those folks. I can't do it, but I have a profound respect for it. "

" I'm not saying 'I have cerebral palsy, pay attention to me.' We all have problems, and we have to figure out how to live our best life. "

" When I was five years old, I auditioned for the role of 'Tiny Tim in A Christmas Carol.' "

" Even the most embarrassing mishap can be spun into comedic gold. "

" My stance has always been that my issue compared to everything else going on in the world is really, really small. Once you realize that, you can get a lot more out of being a part of the solution. "

" New Yorkers - the people are so honest. If you're sucking on stage, they'll let you know. "

" My childhood was great because my family has an amazing sense of humor, and it was just all making videos and jokes and doing skits and things. "

" Over the years, I've learned that a sense of humor is the only skill that allows you to turn sucking at life into a career. "

" Depending on where my self-confidence was, growing up, I would use humor either to bring people closer, or to keep them away from certain feelings I had. "

" I want to find a way to speak to the broadest audience possible. "

" For me, cerebral palsy wasn't the biggest deal, because I always had it. You know, you always work with what you got. "

" I'd wanted to be famous for as long as I could remember. "

" There's no denying it: I was a crappy baby who failed his way into this world, and I've been making the best of it ever since. "

" I'm down for adventure and up for anything. "

" My parents and my brother instilled in me my sense of humor. That's kind of the way we communicate with each other, and it's always been a way for me to get to know people. "