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" When you adopt a dog, you have a lot of very good days and one very bad day. "

W. Bruce Cameron

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" I think I'm good at training dogs, but none of my dogs agree with me on that. "

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" It's never easy to adapt a book, especially as the author, because it's as if you're chopping off appendages. It really feels painful to decide what has to go. "

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" The loneliest, most down-on-his-luck person can have a dog who adores him. The most bitter, sour person can light up with joy when he sees his dog. It is magical and, as 'The Dog Master' reveals, it is biological - we evolved together. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I was an arrogant man. I not only thought I could manage my life without help, I wanted it that way. I had best-selling books and a TV show and movie contracts; I felt invincible, secure in the thought that everything was my doing. And then, like all arrogant men, I came to stumble. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I think, of all the holidays we celebrate, my least favorite is Earth Day. For one thing, I never know what sort of gift is appropriate. A jar of dirt, maybe? And it's not clear to me why Earth even needs a 'day,' since a spin on its axis creates a day. That's like giving a man who owns a shoe store a gift of a pair of shoes. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" With my book 'How to Remodel a Man,' I was on 'Oprah,' 'Fox News,' 'The Early Show,' and 'Good Morning America.' 'Oprah' was the best - an hour long segment. TV is so short, you answer a few questions, and then it's over. It feels like a hit-and-run with a camera. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" Pre-history tells us that our species used to be a hunter-gatherer society. This means that the job of raising a family was split 50-50 between the men and the women - the man's 50 percent share was to sit in the woods with a sharp stick, waiting for something to hunt to wander by, and the woman's 50 percent was to do everything else. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" Most of what happens in the world is far beyond a dog's comprehension, so they must turn to their faith in us to help them navigate life's treacheries. Don't we, also, have unanswerable questions about the vagaries of modern existence for which the answer is beyond human grasp, so that only our faith can guide us? "

W. Bruce Cameron

" The Internet has turned the world into one gigantic linked community, capable of instantly sharing vast amounts of incorrect information. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" Communicating with teenage girls is easy unless you're an adult, and then it's like having someone take a pair of pliers and, one-by-one, yank off your fingernails through your ears. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" In my opinion, it has never been proven that food even has calories. When I bite into a hamburger, I see pickle and ketchup and bun and meat, but if there's a calorie in there, it must be hidden. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" My favorite ski slope is the kind that winds up at the cafeteria. My children, though, usually insist that I get out and take on a few expert runs, in a game called 'Let's See if We Can Get Our Inheritance Early.' "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I've read that the ancient Chinese art of feng shui can bring a sense of peace, well-being, and positive energy to a home - same as beer. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I don't think my father considered allowing a teenager to follow his dreams was necessarily good parenting, or even parenting. I think he thought I was a teenager with teenage impulses. I'm pretty sure he knew that if he just let me follow those impulses, it would wind up being very expensive and perhaps even life-endangering. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I know it sounds strange, but I'm one of those people who goes to a coffee shop to drink coffee. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" My parents live in the part of the United States that is Canada. It is so far north that Minnesota lies in the same direction as Miami. They have four distinct seasons: Winter, More Winter, Still More Winter, and That One Day Of Summer. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" Without a dog, I would have tassels on my throw pillows instead of little stubs of yarn that look like small worms. The pillows seem to function just fine without the tassels, so perhaps it isn't a problem. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" Throughout the day, my phone will variously chirp, burp and growl - it's like living with a velociraptor. The last time I went to try to shut it off, the thing bit me. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I've read that an average dog possesses a vocabulary of 200-300 words, which is enough for him to have his own Twitter account. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I am an independent, strong-willed, free, and unfettered individual who lets his wife decide for him what he wants to eat. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I was riding my mountain bike in Colorado, and I met a dog who reminded me so much of my very first dog, in the way she interacted with me, looked at me, and wagged her tail, that I rode away convinced I'd just very possibly met the reincarnated version of my long lost friend. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I've always been busy, but I wasn't always successful. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" 3D printers give us what we've all been craving: another reason to talk to technical support. When you finally get the thing working, though, you'll be able to print out your grocery list as a cube! When you look up directions online, you can print the map out on a globe! "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I've always thought that I'd make a pretty good police officer, except maybe for the danger part. I have a rare medical condition that makes it difficult for me to risk getting shot, so probably I'd have to be one of those officers who work in 'do not shoot' areas. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" I am the sort of athlete who participates in a lot of winter sports - basketball, for example, is an activity that I'll spend many hours a week watching. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" When I was in seventh grade, I was a scrawny boy with no muscles, so I went out for wrestling. My intention was to develop secret wrestling skills so that if I were jumped by a bully, I'd shout, 'Ha!' and he'd be on the ground in a headlock. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" The first cellphone I owned was hardly a slim, high-tech device - it was more like a brick with buttons, only with worse reception. If you wanted to use your phone to give someone a message, you were better off throwing it at him and hoping you broke his car window. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" With social media, you don't just publish a book and figure you've done your part; your fans want to talk to you, have a conversation. It means, though, that you can connect with your readers like never before, so you don't have to guess what they like - you can ask. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" For me, the most indispensable tool for wrapping presents is a wife. "

W. Bruce Cameron

" Even if you've gone easy on the vermouth, there are still serious downsides to alcohol consumption, including but not limited to the sense that you're a good dancer. "

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