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" Where would Jesus be if no one had written the gospels? "

Chuck Palahniuk

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" I like to get people moving and jumping. I think it's good to add more emotion and chaos. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" People would ask me to autograph their bodies and then the next time I'd see them on tour they'd have my autograph tattooed. I decided I wouldn't write on people anymore, but I'd give them arms and legs and if they wanted those autographed I'd do that. "

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" I've always thought stand-up comedians were the oral storytellers of our time, because they know rhetoric, they know delivery, they know timing, they know all of these things that you can only learn by telling a story out loud and interacting with an audience. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" You must realize that one day you will die. Until then you are worthless. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" My best advice for writers is: Have your adventures, make your mistakes, and choose your friends poorly - all these make for great stories. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Emotionally, in our minds, we get so filled with resentments where we've got a story about absolutely everything. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" At the age of 31, I realized, 'Oh my God, I may die like everyone else.' "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I think that I am responsible for the death of thousands of things and for the misery of thousands of people, just through the things that I buy and how I live my life, and these are not things that ever deserved to die. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Sometimes the past seems too big for the present to hold. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Men want to make the best use of time and want to see how something can inform them and give them a stronger sense of power. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" My first four books, from 'Fight Club' to 'Choke,' dealt with personal identity issues. The crises the narrators found themselves in were generated by themselves. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" My parents used to fight a lot, and I think they fought a lot at night, and they would turn the television up to hide the sound of their fighting. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Your life isn't about doing one perfect 'thing' and then falling down dead. It's more like going to church or writing a book. You do it over and over, always trying to be a little bit better. Then you die. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Jack Palance was my distant uncle - that's the family gossip. Growing up, my family knew everything about his face getting burned and scarred in the military and how that mutilation led him to become such a famous 'heavy' in films. I prayed for good scars of my own. Not just acne scars. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I used to work as a volunteer in a hospice, but I don't have any nursing skills or cooking skills or anything, so I was what they call an escort. I would take people to the support groups every night, and I would have to sit sort of on the sidelines so I could take them back to hospice at the end of the meeting. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" My father worked for the railroad, and whenever a train crashed, we would go as a family and steal food from the boxcars. One year we stole a case of butterscotch pudding that was for export to Israel. It took us years to get through. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Reality means you live until you die. The real truth is nobody wants reality. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" If nothing else, there's comfort in recognising that no matter how much we fail and sin, death will limit our suffering. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I try to tell a story the way someone would tell you a story in a bar, with the same kind of timing and pacing. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" That saying, about how you always kill the thing you love, well, it works both ways. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Do you remember when you were 10 or 11 years old and you really thought your folks were the best? They were completely omniscient and you took their word for everything. And then you got older and you went through this hideous age when suddenly they were the devil, they were bullies, and they didn't know anything. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" If you knew that your life was merely a phase or short, short segment of your entire existence, how would you live? Knowing nothing 'real' was at risk, what would you do? You'd live a gigantic, bold, fun, dazzling life. You know you would. That's what the ghosts want us to do - all the exciting things they no longer can. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" My only writing ritual is to shave my head bald between writing the first and second drafts of a book. If I can throw away all my hair, then I have the freedom to trash any part of the book on the next rewrite. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Every time I write something, I think, this is the most offensive thing I will ever write. But no. I always surprise myself. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I want my characters to really overuse their coping mechanisms to the point where they break down within 300 pages. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Every woman is just a different kind of problem. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I haven't had television since 1991, and it definitely influences me. As a child of the 1970s, I couldn't hold a narrative in my head; I was lucky if I could hold a joke in my head, because every time you turn on television or radio, it wipes the slate clean - at least in my case. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I've got two dogs; they're Boston terriers, and they're allowed everywhere. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I believe in something. But I don't believe that anything can hold a grudge for long enough to condemn its creation to eternal punishment. Nobody can hold a grudge that long, even God. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" We're making the same mistakes we made 1,000 years ago. So they must be the right ones. So relax. "

Chuck Palahniuk