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" You must realize that one day you will die. Until then you are worthless. "
" To merely observe your culture without contributing to it seems very close to existing as a ghost. "
" I dread the promotion part of my job. It's agony, especially compared to the private, at-home joy of writing. But being a grown-up means doing every part of the larger task. "
" Writing gave me the world. "
" I'm only confrontational with my friends. "
" In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor. "
" My private history in terms of people in my life who are dead is very easy to discuss. I don't feel those people can be threatened or intruded upon now. But I am enormously protective of the people who are currently in my life, my existing friends and family. That is where the curtain is drawn. "
" My books are all fantastically sentimental. "
" I have a lot of fans who are in the prison system, where ramen noodles are a kind of staple. Prisoners are always sending me recipes. "
" Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. "
" Sundays tend to be a day where just I do nothing but visit people. It's kind of like trick-or-treating. "
" Reality means you live until you die. The real truth is nobody wants reality. "
" When I first used to tour, guys would come up and say, 'Where's the fight club in my area?' and I would say, 'There isn't one.' And they'd say, 'No, no, you can tell me, you can tell me.' "
" You can tell a more over-the-top incredible story if you use a nonfiction form. "
" I would say any behavior that is not the status quo is interpreted as insanity, when, in fact, it might actually be enlightenment. Insanity is sorta in the eye of the beholder. "
" I live by fallacy. 'If I get enough nice Ikea furniture, I'll be a grown-up.' Then I catch myself. Or, 'If I get off by myself, away from the stress of modern life, I'll be OK.' Then I catch myself. "
" Sometimes you do something, and you get screwed. Sometimes it's the things you don't do, and you get screwed. "
" Since September 11, 2001, the real world has become too scary for a lot of people to be with - all the time. "
" Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct. "
" David Fincher is a genius. "
" Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. "
" Men want to make the best use of time and want to see how something can inform them and give them a stronger sense of power. "
" I've always thought stand-up comedians were the oral storytellers of our time, because they know rhetoric, they know delivery, they know timing, they know all of these things that you can only learn by telling a story out loud and interacting with an audience. "
" I just don't want to die without a few scars. "
" Any real belief in death is just wishful thinking. "
" Arguing that God doesn't exist would be like people in the 10th century arguing that germs and microbes didn't exist because they couldn't see them. "
" I'm always trying to reach a transcendent point, a romantic point, but reach it in a really unconventional way, a really profane way. To get to that romantic, touching, heartbreaking place, but through a lot of acts of profanity. "
" If I can't be beautiful, I want to be invisible. "
" I usually write in my kitchen, which is a large, octagonal room that looks into woods - three big windows look out into the trees. "
" A big reason why I started writing is I felt that fiction had stopped evolving. All other entertainments were getting better, constantly, as technology allowed. Movies. Video games. Music. "
" I thought 'Fight Club' was great as David Fincher's version. "