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" You cannot talk about race without talking about privilege. And when people start talking about privilege, they get paralyzed by shame. "

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" The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I'm willing to show you. In you, it's courage and daring. In me, it's weakness. "

" Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It's tough to do that when we're terrified about what people might see or think. "

" Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It's the fear that we're not good enough. "

Not Good Enough

" Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky. "

" The intention and outcome of vulnerability is trust, intimacy and connection. The outcome of oversharing is distrust, disconnection - and usually a little judgment. "

" Vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. "

" I love to take, process and share photos - it fills me up. "

" 'Crazy-busy' is a great armor, it's a great way for numbing. What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy, and so out in front of our life, that the truth of how we're feeling and what we really need can't catch up with us. "

" As a vulnerability researcher, the greatest barrier I see is our low tolerance for vulnerability. We're almost afraid to be happy. We feel like it's inviting disaster. "

" I'm not a parenting expert. In fact, I'm not sure that I even believe in the idea of 'parenting experts.' I'm an engaged, imperfect parent and a passionate researcher. I'm an experienced mapmaker and a stumbling traveler. Like many of you, parenting is by far my boldest and most daring adventure. "

" As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out! "

" To me, constructive criticism is when people take ownership of their ideas. That's why I don't listen to anything that's anonymous. But it's hard; when there's something hurtful out there, I still want to read it over and over and memorize it and explain my point of view to the person. "

" Ironically, parenting is a shame and judgment minefield precisely because most of us are wading through uncertainty and self-doubt when it comes to raising our children. "

" Vulnerability is not weakness. And that myth is profoundly dangerous. "

" We judge people in areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we're doing. "

" What's the greater risk? Letting go of what people think - or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am? "

" We use work to numb out. We can't turn off our machines because we're afraid we're going to miss something. "

" As unique as we all are, an awful lot of us want the same things. We want to shake up our current less-than-fulfilling lives. We want to be happier, more loving, forgiving and connected with the people around us. "

" Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. "

" When the people we love stop paying attention, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. "

" To me, a leader is someone who holds her- or himself accountable for finding potential in people and processes. And so what I think is really important is sustainability. "

" Our need for certainty in an endeavor as uncertain as raising children makes explicit 'how-to-parent' strategies both seductive and dangerous. "

" Men walk this tightrope where any sign of weakness illicits shame, and so they're afraid to make themselves vulnerable for fear of looking weak. "

" When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible. "

" The moment someone asks you to do something you don't have the time or inclination to do is fraught with vulnerability. "

" The best marriages are the ones where we can go out in the world and really put ourselves out there. A lot of times we'll fail, and sometimes we'll pull it off. But good marriages are when you can go home and know that your vulnerability will be honored as courage, and that you'll find support. "

" Kids who have an understanding of how and why their feelings are what they are are much more likely to talk to us about what's happening, and they have better skills to work it out. "

" One of the things I did when I discovered this huge importance of being vulnerable is very happily moved away from the shame research, because that's such a downer, and people hate that topic. It's not that vulnerability is the upside, but it's better than shame, I guess. "

" There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period. "

" I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles. "