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" You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look. "

Terry Pratchett

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" My own books drive themselves. I know roughly where a book is going to end, but essentially the story develops under my fingers. It's just a matter of joining the dots. "

Terry Pratchett

" Never trust any complicated cocktail that remains perfectly clear until the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds. "

Terry Pratchett

" I can no longer type, so I use TalkingPoint and Dragon Dictate. It's a speech-to-text program, and there's an add-on for talking which some guys came up with. "

Terry Pratchett

" In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded. "

Terry Pratchett

" The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it. "

Terry Pratchett

" I've got wide tastes, but I don't like jazz. "

Terry Pratchett

" My advice is this. For Christ's sake, don't write a book that is suitable for a kid of 12 years old, because the kids who read who are 12 years old are reading books for adults. I read all of the James Bond books when I was about 11, which was approximately the right time to read James Bond books. "

Terry Pratchett

" I'm not really good at fun-to-know, human interest stuff. We're not 'celebrities', whose life itself is a performance. Good or bad or ugly, we are our words. They're what people meet. "

Terry Pratchett

" Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up. "

Terry Pratchett

" The only superstition I have is that I must start a new book on the same day that I finish the last one, even if it's just a few notes in a file. I dread not having work in progress. "

Terry Pratchett

" It occurred to me that at one point it was like I had two diseases - one was Alzheimer's, and the other was knowing I had Alzheimer's. "

Terry Pratchett

" That's the most terrible thing about being an author - standing there at your mother's funeral, but you don't switch the author off. So your own innermost thoughts are grist for the mill. Who was it said - one of the famous lady novelists - 'unhappy is the family that contains an author'? "

Terry Pratchett

" I became a journalist at 17. A few hours later, I saw my first dead body, which was somewhat... colourful. That's when I learned you can go on throwing up after you run out of things to throw up. "

Terry Pratchett

" Sooner or later we're all someone's dog. "

Terry Pratchett

Sooner Or Later

" I have to write because if I don't get something down then after a while I feel it's going to bang the side of my head off. "

Terry Pratchett

" What is normal? Normal was yesterday. If you lose a leg, one day you're hopping around on one leg, so you know the difference. "

Terry Pratchett

" I do not, in fact, use many puns. Certainly there are far fewer than people believe. But I suspect the ones I do occasionally use tend to hang around in people's memories for a while. "

Terry Pratchett

" 'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger. "

Terry Pratchett

" I think we are waiting for an e-book that even non-techies can be comfortable with. From my point of view, the biggest change is that I don't have to spend most of the day printing out and packaging a manuscript. I think I almost miss that. "

Terry Pratchett

" The bravest person I've ever met was a young boy going through massive amounts of treatment for a very rare, complex and unpleasant disease. I last saw him at a Discworld convention, where he chose to take part in a game as an assassin. He died not long afterwards, and I wish I had his fortitude and sense of style. "

Terry Pratchett

" Freedom without limits is just a word. "

Terry Pratchett

" Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out til too late that he's been playing with two queens all along. "

Terry Pratchett

" If the government ever imposes a tax on books - and I wouldn't put it past them - I'm in dead trouble. "

Terry Pratchett

" Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. "

Terry Pratchett

" In my heart, I'm just a kid from the council houses. I can remember the old cottage and my dad coming round with the tin bath. I'm not a rich man. "

Terry Pratchett

" In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. "

Terry Pratchett

" The 'New Testament', now, I quite liked. Jesus had a lot of good things to say, and as for his father, he must have been highly thought of by the community to work with wood - a material that couldn't have been widely available in Palestine. "

Terry Pratchett

" When you're all singing together, it brings things together. I know the songs that my grandfather and my father sang. "

Terry Pratchett

" I think I work much harder on the children's books. I suppose I enjoy that. I find it interesting that although there are more than 30 books in the Discworld series, it is the four that were written for children which have won the awards. I've never been quite certain why this is. "

Terry Pratchett

" Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces. "

Terry Pratchett