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All Quotes by author - George Burns
" Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. "
" At my age flowers scare me. "
" Be quick to learn and wise to know. "
" Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. "
" Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. "
" First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. "
" Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. "
" Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. "
" How can I die? I'm booked. "
" I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. "
" I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money. "
" I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked. "
" I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. "
" If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it. "
" If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. "
" If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. "
" I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. "
" I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. "
" I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. "
" I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. "
" I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. "
" I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. "
" It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere. "
" It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. "
" It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. "
" I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. "
" Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. "
" Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. "
" Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. "
" The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. "
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