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" The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. "

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" This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. "

" Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. "

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" You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made. "

" First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. "

" If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. "

" I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. "

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" The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. "

" I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. "

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